When it comes to women and sex, a lot of stereotypes abound. Leading the pack of these stereotypes is that women don’t want sex as much as men do. But this is a decades-old ‘old wives tale’ because the truth is, women want sex just as much as men, and sometimes even more. Read on to find out why women equal men when it comes to sex and what they love most about it.

Without doubt, we have come very far as a society in understanding women’s sexuality. More and more people have come to appreciate the fact that women too have sexual desires and they are not merely sex objects to gratify a man’s desire. Women too have become more sexually aware and thus demand more out of a love making session. But even in the face of all these progressions, many people still hold that women want less sex compared to men. That’s far from the truth. In actual fact, women want sex as much as men do and any woman who has embraced her sexuality will tell you just as much.

For starters, the female body is built for pleasure. Think about it; there are numerous nerve endings in a woman’s body that allow women to have multiple orgasms in the way men simply cannot. So, what’s not to like? It is thus foolhardy to believe that women are averse to sex and only pine for it to secure their relationships or for procreation.

In September last year, a fertility awareness app, Kindara, researched the sex lives of 500 women between the ages of 18 and 65. They sought to examine orgasm frequency, sexual desire and the place of sex in one’s relationship among other sex-related factors. Not surprisingly, 75 per cent of the participants said they want sex more than three times a week. Apparently, the once in a week dose does not work for them. On orgasm, close to 70 per cent claimed they reached it during every sexual encounter with a majority saying emotional connection is key to terrific sex. However, 23 per cent disagreed saying foreplay is more important than anything else.

In addition, 39 per cent of the women interviewed by Kindara said that stress is the top factor that negatively affects their sex life. Other culprits that can kill a woman’s libido included being out of sync with one’s partner, not being in the mood and struggling with self-image. But these are not enough reasons to claim that women don’t want sex.

In another research carried out by the University of Michigan in USA, it was discovered that women like casual sex as much as men if the social stigma is removed from accepting the offer and the experience involves a great lover. Women would also accept casual sex if there was no threat of violence. The study also found out that women accepted fewer sexual offers from men because the men who proposed the experience were perceived to have relatively poorer sexual capabilities.

These researches demonstrate the ever-changing landscape of women’s sexuality and they all boil down to one obvious fact: women want sex. However, this does not mean that men’s and women’s sexual play out will be the same since there are numerous social influences to be considered. For example, the society holds men and women to different sexual standards in what is referred to as “double sexual standard.” For instance, a man can have sex with different women and be regarded as a star while a woman who practices the same behaviour will be called a slut. Also, a woman is expected to have more sexual restraint than a man.

Hence it may seem out of place or awkward for a woman to make sexual advances to a man even if he is her lover, as men can feel intimidated and as a result may not be too confident. It is believed that a man should make the first move. Tracy Cox in her book Hot Sex writes, “These days, it’s just as likely to be her ripping off your suit and you’re complaining you’re too tired. And as women become more comfortable with sex, men are becoming less secure.” Such perceptions lead women to suppress their sexual feelings, leading to the erroneous thought that they do not want sex as much as men do.

What women love most about sex…

Now that you know she wants sex as much as you do, here’s what she loves most about it:

Sexting: Want her to jump on you the moment you open the door with nothing on but a sexy smile? Simply text her during the day telling her how much you love her and are craving for her. By doing this, you are setting her body and mind on what to expect once you meet. It is a way of communicating your desires so by the time you’re in bed together, you know each other’s needs and fantasies without saying a word.

Nibbling: So you have played with her mind all day long and she is ready for you, mentally that is. The next stage is to get her prepared physically. Get her wet and ready in seconds by nibbling her ears, neck and shoulders, this will have her giggling all the way to the bed. But don’t linger too long.

Being undressed slowly: Many a couple likes to get down to business without much ado. But seduction should not be rushed, slow does it. Women like it when their body is revealed slowly as your hand and eyes hover over her body. This works on the rule that anticipation and appreciation go a long way. Take your time.

Foreplay: I guess we can never hear enough of this. The less said, the better.

The rule of the nipple: There is the rule of thumb and there is the rule of the nipple. Women have tits, and they like you to play with it, suck them and maybe even tease them with your teeth. No biting and twisting please! It can be painful!

Kissing: Truth be told, many men get lost in their own world when making love. They ignore their partner with abandon and make no effort to engage her, and they wonder why a woman becomes “dry” during sex. As a man, you need to find the perfect balance between your needs and her needs. Take this to the bank – women enjoy being kissed during the act. Oh, and be sure to kiss something else besides the lips: her wrists, nape of her neck, her forehead… anywhere you can get your lips on.

The sweet nothings: Women like to feel special and what better way to show it than with words. Words such as: “I’ve missed you” and “I’m so lucky to have you” to “You are the best thing in the world” are usually said before, during and after sex, and it makes your woman feel good especially when whispered in her ears. Of course, they make more sense when accompanied with actions.

Feeling like a sex goddess:

Everyone wants to feel they are great in bed – even if they are not. But you care for her enough to go to bed with her so it is your task to make her feel like a pro. Better still, guide her to being a pro and she will be more than happy to return the favour. Let’s just say, your home will never be the same again.

Being on top: We all know that the missionary position is the go-to style but there are times when she will crave for riding you. This makes her feel empowered as she dictates the motion and rhythm, allowing her some control during sex. Remember, power is a big aphrodisiac for both men and women. Give her opportunity to show you how much she wants you.

The orgasm: The end result of a sexual experience should be orgasm for both parties. Women love to reach orgasm during a love making session. You lose yourself for a moment and everything is just right. No woman should be forced to fake an orgasm hence it is a man’s role to ensure his woman reaches it, and in the most beautiful way.

The afterglow: One of the most satisfying feelings in the world is the post-coital bliss. The coming back to earth and attendant flood of thoughts and emotions is just epic. Also important is the feeling of sharing something so intimate with someone you care about, and women love it.

Published April 2016