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Understanding sibling rivalry and how to deal with it

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Sibling rivalry is the competition, fighting and jealousy between brothers and sisters. And while children can bring parents immeasurable happiness, they can also drive you insane with their squabbling. This is why sibling rivalry is best nipped in the bud.

Sibling rivalry can take different forms and can be caused by a couple of reasons. The forms of sibling rivalry include name-calling, lying, stealing, throwing things at one another, hiding toys, and hitting each other.

Why do siblings fight?

They may fight to get your attention, feel powerful and even break from humdrum activities. Sometimes they may simply want to get physical contact or become the parent’s favourite by painting the other sibling as bad.

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The following are some of the factors that influence sibling rivalry:

Birth-spacing

When siblings are close in age they will often be in each other’s faces. They have more contact among themselves. Since they have access to each other, competition is higher compared to the siblings who have longer spacing between them. The siblings who are further apart age-wise, spend less time together and thus they see no need for competition as they are interested in different things and do different activities.

Temperament differences

Siblings who are well behaved may be treated differently by parents than siblings who are difficult to handle. Those who are temperamentally more challenging to parent are often given less attention and viewed as annoying. The ones with good behaviour or temperamentally easy to parent become parent-favourite. If there are differences in how parents react to their children, this could increase the intensity of the competition between them.

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Gender

Sometimes a child of one gender may be born to a family that wanted the opposite gender. If it is a boy in a family that wanted a girl, he may feel left out and thus act up because he may be treated with indifference, compared to the other sibling of the desired gender.

Parenting style

Parents who dominate their children through controlling them and giving them little room for self-expression can cause the siblings to acquire their traits and treat each other the way their parents treat them– with an iron fist. Apathetic parents alike contribute to sibling rivalry because they show no interest in what their children do. Lack of attention stimulates the need for the rivalry to capture the caregivers’ attention.

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Now that you know these factors, it is equally important to know how to deal with sibling rivalry:

Show your children how to handle conflicts positively

When siblings are shown how to engage in conflict management in a positive manner such as by listening to each other’s points of view and not in name-calling, they will develop a mindset that hitting or any form of aggression is wrong. This way they will grow into responsible adults who can solve their conflicts positively.

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Emphasize that sibling harmony is at the core of the values of the family

Explain to your children that the family thrives when there is peace from all fronts including the way they treat each other. Any quarrels in the family will break down its foundation and let them know that this is an undesirable outcome. Through teaching peace, they are inclined to maintain it.

Incentivize the siblings to get to the root of the problem

Encourage the siblings to focus on what bothers them rather than focusing on each other. If one sibling is bothered by the way the other always chooses what to watch on TV, ask him or her to state the problem rather than attacking the other child. If it is about who spends more time on the PlayStation compared to the other, teach them that hitting and name-calling is not the solution.

Sibling rivalry is inevitable. As a parent, you need to understand your children and see how best to intervene in their conflicts. More importantly, guide them with love and compassion.

Is your parenting style building your child?
[http://parentsafrica.com/content/images/wordpress/2015/02/201502-mums-helpline.jpg] > The impact that a parent has on their child cannot be underscored enough.Parents and guardians have a vital role to play in the development of theirchildren. The difference in children’s behaviour can, to a large extent,…

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

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While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

Published

on

While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Endometriosis and sex: How to make intimacy pain-free

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There is no doubt that endometriosis can affect a woman’s way of life. The condition slews a couple of conditions, painful sex being one of them. Penetration pulls and pushes any tissue growth behind the vagina and lower uterus.

Although symptoms may differ from woman to woman, here are some things you can do to lessen your pain and ensure you have some good time:

Take a dose of painkillers

Take an over the counter painkiller that sits well with your body before intercourse and incase pain persists, take another one as prescribed.

Track your cycle and try at certain times of the month

Most women with endometriosis experience excruciating pain during their period and ovulation. Keep track of your cycle so that you can know when you are ovulating. You can use apps like my calendar and flo period tracker to track your periods. This will help you know when best to engage in sexual intercourse.

READ ALSO: Crucial Facts About Endometriosis Everyone Should Know About

Use lube

Vaginal dryness is not something to be ashamed of and if you happen to have it, lube should be your best buddy. Make sure to use any silicon or water based lubricant anytime you feel like your vagina is dry. Ensure the application is of good amount to achieve a wet area.

Explore alternatives

Talk with your partner about things that turn you on and bring you pleasure. Just to mention a few; mutual masturbation, foreplay, kissing and mutual fondling. Sex does not have to mean intercourse.

Try different positions

Experimenting different positions can teach you and your partner which ones hurt and the ones that bring direct pleasure with no or less pain. Positions that are considered better vary from person to person so take the time to explore and learn yourself with your partner.

Find the right rhythm

Finding the right rhythm can help you experience less discomfort during sex. Quick thrusting or deep penetration can aggravate pain. Talk to your partner about that which you do not like and find ways that will satisfy the both of you like exchanging positions so that you can control the speed and rhythm.

Bottom line

Intimacy does not have to be boring, painful or make you hate the condition that you have. Talk openly about your feelings around sex and penetration and what would help to ease your concerns.

Our FREE  e-paper March Issue is here!
As we celebrate our women this month, we bring you the best stories and the most inspiring features to get you going.
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