Cover Story
Soft on parenting but hard on discipline
Slippers, cooking sticks and belts are just but a few tools used in an African home to punish the wrong doers.
The children living in such households were always walking on eggs shells, afraid of the next time the belt is pulled out or a slipper catapulted to their direction.
Sometimes, the wrong was not worth the punishment but it was administered regardless and it was severe.
Crying was prohibited. The parent would beat and ask, “unalia nini?” (Why are you crying). Shedding a tear called for more blows and canes. The children went through a lot in the name of discipline.
This generation that grew up being beaten at the slightest inconvenience has now grown up and some of them are modern parents already.
The modern parent has made it their duty to resort to soft parenting so their children do not go through the emotional trauma.
They prioritize understanding their child’s emotions and motivations and aim to guide rather than control them.
This approach of parenting is rooted in the belief that positive reinforcement and emotional connection foster desired behavior, building healthier parent-child relationships.
But how do you discipline effectively without crossing the soft parenting line?
Set Clear Expectations
Children need to understand what is expected of them. Clear rules help them learn the boundaries of acceptable behavior. Instead of simply dictating rules, use clear expectations to empower children. By explaining the “why” behind the rules, they understand the impact of their actions and are more likely to internalize the rules, leading to self-discipline.
Positive reinforcements
Instead of constantly correcting bad behavior, positive reinforcement points out the good choices children make. When your child meets expectations, try to acknowledge and praise them. This motivates them to continue behaving that way and creates a more positive and encouraging environment.
Learning from experience
Once in a while, allow your child to experience the consequences of their actions. This creates a real-world learning experience that’s more impactful. For example, if your child leaves their toys outside and they get rained on, they may regret it. This helps them understand the consequence of their action and act responsibly next time. Use it as a teaching moment and discuss how a different choice (like bringing their toys inside) might lead to a more positive outcome.
Open communication
When your child misbehaves, open communication allows you to get to the root cause of the behaviour. Instead of focusing on the action, ask questions and listen to their perspective. Maybe they’re tired, frustrated, or overwhelmed. Understanding the “why” helps you address the underlying issue, not just the problem. This allows them to feel heard and understood, making them more receptive to guidance.
Be a role model
Children learn by observing. Your child may be abusive or yell at others if they always see you doing the same at home. By demonstrating calm communication, problem-solving, and emotional regulation, you show your child a better way to handle difficult situations. They see you apologize when you make a mistake, manage your anger calmly and show empathy to others. These actions become valuable lessons that they can incorporate into their own behavior.
Focus on teaching
Shielding children from the reality of life might hinder their ability to bounce back from challenges. Learning that nothing is permanent helps them appreciate good times and navigate the not-so-good ones. It is okay to say “no” sometimes as this allows them to experience and express disappointment and learn that life moves even when things don’t go their way.
Gentle parenting does not mean there are no rules or one has abandoned discipline. It advocates for a supportive and non-punitive approach. By understanding the principles of soft discipline and setting clear boundaries with love, you can raise well-adjusted, responsible children who thrive in a supportive environment.
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