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Love addiction, the silent addiction

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For most of us, the word addiction conjures images of alcohol dependency or even gambling. Rarely do we associate addiction with love. Nevertheless, it is possible to suffer from love addiction, strange as it sounds.

Love addiction is a condition that leads to the development of fixations, idealization, and compulsions in love interests and results in unhealthy behaviour toward loved ones.

A love addict is addicted to the rush that comes with a new romance. Due to this behaviour, his or her relationships never develop beyond this initial, emotionally elevated state.

When the rush ends, a love addict becomes unhappy, restless, detached, irritable, and discontent.  When a love addict is not in a relationship, they feel despair, worthless and extremely lonely.

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Signs of love addiction

Love addiction can take on the following symptoms:

Mistaking intense sexual experiences and new romantic excitement for love Constantly craving and searching for a romantic relationshipWhen in a relationship, being desperate to please and fearful of the other’s unhappinessWhen not in a relationship, feeling desperate and aloneInability to maintain an intimate relationship once the newness and excitement have worn offFinding it unbearable or emotionally difficult to be aloneWhen not in a relationship, compulsively using sex and fantasy to fill the lonelinessChoosing partners who are emotionally unavailable and verbally or physically abusiveChoosing partners who demand a great deal of attention and caretaking but who do not meet, or  try to meet, your emotional or physical needsParticipating in activities that don’t interest you or go against your values to keep or please a partnerGiving up important interests, beliefs, or friendships to maximize time in the relationship or to please a romantic partnerUsing sex or romantic intensity to tolerate difficult experiences or emotionsUsing anonymous sex, porn, or compulsive masturbation to avoid “needing” someone, thereby avoiding all relationshipsFinding it difficult or impossible to leave unhealthy or abusive relationships despite repeated promises to oneself or others to do sobustle.com

Underlying Reasons

Genetics, trauma, and upbringing can play a part in love addiction. Love addiction stems from several places like low self-esteem, or other underlying problems. People may develop love addiction as a way to fill a void left over from childhood trauma, low self-worth, or a lack of self-love. Like child abuse, rejection, and emotional neglect can contribute to love addiction.

The four main types of love addicts

Obsessed love addicts- Obsessed love addicts struggle with detaching from partners, even if the relationship is no longer healthy, or the partner is emotionally distantCo-dependent love addicts- Co-dependent love addicts use their partners as their source of self-esteem and self-worth.Narcissistic love addicts- Narcissistic love addicts place themselves in a position of power in their relationships. They exploit their partners, using them for a source of attention, ego-boosting, and servitude, among other things.Ambivalent love addicts- The ambivalent or avoidant love addicts avoid true intimacy. They can function as the one who holds on to past loves, engage in one-sided relationships and can sabotage their relationships.

Therapy for love addiction

As is most common with addiction, there is an underlying trigger for this addiction. It could be a shame that needs healing or a void that needs filling. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can be effective for this kind of addiction. It will help the addict to be mindful of his or her thoughts.

This way he or she can avoid triggers and detect signs of the condition in him or herself and afterwards be able to take the right steps in dealing with the condition.

SEE ALSO: Understanding dependent personality disorder

Whenever anxiety is involved, meditation plays a big part in quelling the disturbances. Cultivating self-love can work superbly well in managing the condition.  

For trauma, therapists in inpatient rehab facilities can both help provide helpful insight, while recognizing unhealthy patterns from childhood or adulthood that can impact diagnosing unhealthy patterns or behaviour.

Lastly, useful medications for depression or anxiety can benefit the individual.

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

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While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

Published

on

While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Endometriosis and sex: How to make intimacy pain-free

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There is no doubt that endometriosis can affect a woman’s way of life. The condition slews a couple of conditions, painful sex being one of them. Penetration pulls and pushes any tissue growth behind the vagina and lower uterus.

Although symptoms may differ from woman to woman, here are some things you can do to lessen your pain and ensure you have some good time:

Take a dose of painkillers

Take an over the counter painkiller that sits well with your body before intercourse and incase pain persists, take another one as prescribed.

Track your cycle and try at certain times of the month

Most women with endometriosis experience excruciating pain during their period and ovulation. Keep track of your cycle so that you can know when you are ovulating. You can use apps like my calendar and flo period tracker to track your periods. This will help you know when best to engage in sexual intercourse.

READ ALSO: Crucial Facts About Endometriosis Everyone Should Know About

Use lube

Vaginal dryness is not something to be ashamed of and if you happen to have it, lube should be your best buddy. Make sure to use any silicon or water based lubricant anytime you feel like your vagina is dry. Ensure the application is of good amount to achieve a wet area.

Explore alternatives

Talk with your partner about things that turn you on and bring you pleasure. Just to mention a few; mutual masturbation, foreplay, kissing and mutual fondling. Sex does not have to mean intercourse.

Try different positions

Experimenting different positions can teach you and your partner which ones hurt and the ones that bring direct pleasure with no or less pain. Positions that are considered better vary from person to person so take the time to explore and learn yourself with your partner.

Find the right rhythm

Finding the right rhythm can help you experience less discomfort during sex. Quick thrusting or deep penetration can aggravate pain. Talk to your partner about that which you do not like and find ways that will satisfy the both of you like exchanging positions so that you can control the speed and rhythm.

Bottom line

Intimacy does not have to be boring, painful or make you hate the condition that you have. Talk openly about your feelings around sex and penetration and what would help to ease your concerns.

Our FREE  e-paper March Issue is here!
As we celebrate our women this month, we bring you the best stories and the most inspiring features to get you going.
Click HERE to read!

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