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How to survive divorce: 8 Tips to get through the pain

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There is no doubt that divorce is one of the more painful life experiences as opposed to its contrary, marriage. Marriage is a union that brings people together whilst divorce is a separation that tends to tear people apart. The entire family unit is affected by divorce but no one more than the children.

In order to protect your children from divorce, you as parent must be strong, secure and stable. Your pain and inability to function as a parent will not only hurt you but it will hurt those who matter the most. When going through a divorce many men and women find themselves asking the question “How will I survive this?”

The following are some tips on how to get through the pain and survive divorce:

1. Acceptance

Just as with every inevitable and unchangeable experience in life you must accept that it has happened. It does not matter why it happened or how it happened. It just did. Allow yourself to grieve during this acceptance period but keep in mind that “everything happens for a reason.”

2. Don’t look back

One very important tip which can be applied to many aspects of your life but is key when going through divorce is to not look back. “Leave the past in the past,” by looking back and resisting the urge to ask yourself “what if” you did certain things differently;  you would only be hurting yourself. You cannot change what has already happened but by looking forward instead, you can have control on what happens next.

3. Talk to God

Talk to God every day for strength as you would when you endure any hardship in life. Allow yourself to be grateful for all the good that you have in your life. Sometimes, it can be hard to talk to God either because of guilt or blame for what happened but push through the pain and find solace in your spirituality.

4. Embrace your individuality again

There was once a time where you didn’t always were not the wife or husband of your ex significant other. Remember who that person was and let them back into your life. This can be best achieved through rediscovering your passions and interests. Take time to do things that you used to enjoy and you’ll rediscover yourself.

Photo by Angelo Pantazis / Unsplash

5. Take care of yourself

During a painful time, such as that of divorce it is important to really try not to fall apart. Eat well, laugh, don’t isolate yourself, exercise etc. Activities like exercise are known to boost feel-good hormones which uplift your mood. Involve yourself in such as much as possible.

The Gates divorce. Five lessons that you and i can learn about marriage
On their 26th wedding anniversary in January 1 2020, the couple could not have seemed more in love. In fact Melinda gushed over how she loved spending her wedding anniversary with her husband.

6.  Minimise contact with your ex

Space from your ex is the best thing after a divorce. It allows you to establish your individuality whilst developing a civil relationship with one another that is based on the children.

7. Connect with other people who are divorced

By connecting with other divorced people, you have created an outlet where your thoughts can be heard. A support group could be very beneficial in easing the process of moving forward.

Finding healing after a failed relationship
The pain of a failed relationship cuts deep. When two people commit to each other, their interests, goals and plans become one and once that bubble is burst, it takes quite some time to dissociate oneself from the other person. The following advice will help you heal the wounds…

8. Enjoy the children

Do not let the divorce take away the joy you get from your children. When you are with your child forget about the divorce and just take pride in the blessing that they are. The time you spend with your children will not only take your mind off the divorce but will remind you of the best part of the marriage.

RELATED:Where do you start after a breakup?

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

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While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

Published

on

While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

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Cover Story

Endometriosis and sex: How to make intimacy pain-free

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There is no doubt that endometriosis can affect a woman’s way of life. The condition slews a couple of conditions, painful sex being one of them. Penetration pulls and pushes any tissue growth behind the vagina and lower uterus.

Although symptoms may differ from woman to woman, here are some things you can do to lessen your pain and ensure you have some good time:

Take a dose of painkillers

Take an over the counter painkiller that sits well with your body before intercourse and incase pain persists, take another one as prescribed.

Track your cycle and try at certain times of the month

Most women with endometriosis experience excruciating pain during their period and ovulation. Keep track of your cycle so that you can know when you are ovulating. You can use apps like my calendar and flo period tracker to track your periods. This will help you know when best to engage in sexual intercourse.

READ ALSO: Crucial Facts About Endometriosis Everyone Should Know About

Use lube

Vaginal dryness is not something to be ashamed of and if you happen to have it, lube should be your best buddy. Make sure to use any silicon or water based lubricant anytime you feel like your vagina is dry. Ensure the application is of good amount to achieve a wet area.

Explore alternatives

Talk with your partner about things that turn you on and bring you pleasure. Just to mention a few; mutual masturbation, foreplay, kissing and mutual fondling. Sex does not have to mean intercourse.

Try different positions

Experimenting different positions can teach you and your partner which ones hurt and the ones that bring direct pleasure with no or less pain. Positions that are considered better vary from person to person so take the time to explore and learn yourself with your partner.

Find the right rhythm

Finding the right rhythm can help you experience less discomfort during sex. Quick thrusting or deep penetration can aggravate pain. Talk to your partner about that which you do not like and find ways that will satisfy the both of you like exchanging positions so that you can control the speed and rhythm.

Bottom line

Intimacy does not have to be boring, painful or make you hate the condition that you have. Talk openly about your feelings around sex and penetration and what would help to ease your concerns.

Our FREE  e-paper March Issue is here!
As we celebrate our women this month, we bring you the best stories and the most inspiring features to get you going.
Click HERE to read!

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