ESTHER WANGUI: Breaking the silence on child abuse  

Her stepsister and stepbrother didn’t help the situation. They hated and wanted her out of ‘their’ home. She recalls of an incident on Valentine’s Day when she discovered, to her astonishment, that her stepsister had shred all her dresses with a pair of scissors.

“When I complained bitterly, my stepsister claimed I was trying to play victim. I was heartbroken and felt hated. My mum was doing her best to protect me, but at the same had time had started struggling with an unworkable second marriage. No one seemed to understand me,” says Esther.

She played the house girl at their new home. Her mum would console her that relationships like hers were often rocky at the beginning before stabilising. They would talk in whispers to avoid being overheard by her harsh stepfather.

My dear bottle…

She was overwhelmed by her circumstances and without anyone to turn to resorted to alcohol. Her first sip was the beginning of a relationship with alcoholism, which she eventually found difficult to control. Drinking became her past time. She also turned to smoking cigarettes to feel in control.

Her stepfather openly discriminated against her. He would not give her enough pocket money or bus fare when she was going to school but her mum secretly provided. The situation deteriorated when she sat her I.G.C.S.E. Her stepdad was adamant that she could not be enrolled for the foundation course for a degree programme until his daughter, who was older than Esther, went through the course.

Her mum secretly enrolled her at Ausi Kenya for a foundation course that would eventually see her pursue a degree course in Australia. She would do her house help’s work at home then sneak out to college in Westlands. She would be back home in time to prepare supper for the family. Esther qualified to pursue a degree course in Australia but her mum preferred her studying locally. Esther was passionate about studying in Australia to get away from the challenging home environment.

She re-connected with her biological father who agreed to sponsor her to fulfill this dream. She met her stepmother, her dad’s new wife, for the first time in their former home when she had gone to discuss the Australian sponsorship with her dad. The environment resurged the bad memories of her past, tormenting and pushing her further into alcohol. She didn’t realise at the time that unless she dealt with the suppressing issues in her life, such as the molestation trauma, she would never walk the path of normalcy.

On reflection, Esther says, “I believe God wanted me to start dealing with the issues that were associated with this home including the rape and divorce. However, at the time, I was tormented and all I wished for was to leave for Australia.”

Australia, however, wasn’t the panacea for her issues. She had not learnt the art of making true and beneficial relationships. Even though her dad paid the fees, she had to work for self-maintenance and to finance her drinking and party life. She did seven odd jobs, including being a receptionist in a dance studio.

She acquired a reputation as a wild party girl among her Kenyan colleagues. She had low self-esteem and didn’t value herself. She never loved any man because the only image she had of a man was that of her molester. Her motive in a relationship was just to fit in with her peers. In retrospect, she says a girl brought up with the love of a father has a quick rejoinder when a man tells her that she is beautiful.

“She knows because her father has already told her so. A girl who grows without the presence of a loving father doesn’t know how to relate with men and gets into relationships for the wrong reasons. She seeks fatherly love from a boyfriend and this can’t work,” she argues.