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Create the relationship you desire

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There is a lot of negativity in many present-day relationships and this has put fear in the hearts of people who aspire to have healthy and fulfilling relationships. There’s even an entire morning radio show where most of the discussions revolve around the bad and ugly side of relationships. But it is possible to have a satisfying relationship if you are willing to work on it. We tell you how.
Cultivate the qualities you desire in your partner. Think about this, do you really know what you want out of a relationship? Not the tall, dark and handsome or light skinned person with a figure to die for cliché – what qualities matter to you the most that you look for in a partner? Kind, loving, faithful, committed, a good listener, understanding or even hardworking perhaps? Whereas it is easier to sit and dictate the kind of qualities you wish for in your partner, the more difficult part is looking at yourself in the mirror and finding out if you possess those traits.
One of the most powerful ways to create a shift in those around you is to model the very traits you desire others to have, then people of a similar trait will be attracted to you. So don’t go into relationships without first defining what you are looking for. After all, if you don’t know what you are looking for, it is almost impossible to find it!
Remember, as motivation speaker Les Brown says, “You do not get what you want in life, you get what you are.” You must embody what you want in life so you can truly live your desires. If you vibrate love, you attract love in all its forms but if you vibrate fear and self-pity, that is exactly what you attract.
Work towards a common purpose. One of the basics of healthy relationships that is often overlooked is the need to have a common purpose. Consider this; there are many relationships that have been built over the years while working on a common purpose such as friendship, mentorship, work, school or when playing a sport. A strong common bond brings you together with those you are pursuing a common purpose with and the same applies when it comes to romantic relationships. Working together, building together, failing and succeeding together – all while pursuing a common purpose – is what relationships are made of.  So find a common purpose with your loved one and pursue it together and you will reap long-lasting benefits.
Deal with your own demons. You need to know that relationships aren’t about having another person complete you. You get into a relationship as two whole people seeking to share life interdependently. People sometimes think love ought to rescue them from loneliness and insecurities. But learning to be secure on your own helps you to be complete and whole even in a relationship. True love only exists by loving yourself first because you can only get from another person what you are willing to give yourself.
Let go of expectations. If you expect to get what you want a hundred per cent of the time in a relationship, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Healthy relationships are built on compromise. Knowing what is truly important to your partner helps to ease on the compromise since your partner also needs to learn what is important for you. Of vital importance is to communicate your expectations to your partner, don’t assume or even expect your partner to read your mind, instead learn to express your needs. Also be nice to your partner for the sheer being and not just because you expect something in return.
Remember at the end of the day, great relationships don’t just happen; you need to be very intentional in cultivating a great relationship and only then will you reap its benefits.
Aug2015

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

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While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

Published

on

While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Endometriosis and sex: How to make intimacy pain-free

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There is no doubt that endometriosis can affect a woman’s way of life. The condition slews a couple of conditions, painful sex being one of them. Penetration pulls and pushes any tissue growth behind the vagina and lower uterus.

Although symptoms may differ from woman to woman, here are some things you can do to lessen your pain and ensure you have some good time:

Take a dose of painkillers

Take an over the counter painkiller that sits well with your body before intercourse and incase pain persists, take another one as prescribed.

Track your cycle and try at certain times of the month

Most women with endometriosis experience excruciating pain during their period and ovulation. Keep track of your cycle so that you can know when you are ovulating. You can use apps like my calendar and flo period tracker to track your periods. This will help you know when best to engage in sexual intercourse.

READ ALSO: Crucial Facts About Endometriosis Everyone Should Know About

Use lube

Vaginal dryness is not something to be ashamed of and if you happen to have it, lube should be your best buddy. Make sure to use any silicon or water based lubricant anytime you feel like your vagina is dry. Ensure the application is of good amount to achieve a wet area.

Explore alternatives

Talk with your partner about things that turn you on and bring you pleasure. Just to mention a few; mutual masturbation, foreplay, kissing and mutual fondling. Sex does not have to mean intercourse.

Try different positions

Experimenting different positions can teach you and your partner which ones hurt and the ones that bring direct pleasure with no or less pain. Positions that are considered better vary from person to person so take the time to explore and learn yourself with your partner.

Find the right rhythm

Finding the right rhythm can help you experience less discomfort during sex. Quick thrusting or deep penetration can aggravate pain. Talk to your partner about that which you do not like and find ways that will satisfy the both of you like exchanging positions so that you can control the speed and rhythm.

Bottom line

Intimacy does not have to be boring, painful or make you hate the condition that you have. Talk openly about your feelings around sex and penetration and what would help to ease your concerns.

Our FREE  e-paper March Issue is here!
As we celebrate our women this month, we bring you the best stories and the most inspiring features to get you going.
Click HERE to read!

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