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Age-by-age guide to talking about SEX with your CHILD

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Sex in traditional African societies was a taboo topic that was only mentioned in the cover of darkness and more so, in hushed tones. It was a preserve of the married and fornication was highly discouraged. But times have changed. The influx of Western culture and accessible media has served to glorify sex. We can no longer bury our heads in the sand and pretend that children do not engage in sex. This is why you should have that sex talk with your child. Here is an age-by-age guide to talking to your child about sex.

Sex education is now offered in schools as part of the curriculum but do not count on that alone. Sex education is your responsibility as a parent. Take time and talk to your child about sex as early as possible and cultivate an environment where your child will always feel free to talk to you about anything under the sun. Other means of disseminating sex education to your child are through books or videos that explicitly touch on sex issues. Remember, the goal is to empower your child to make informed decisions in your absence.

Birth to two years

If you think that your child is too young to understand sexuality, then think again. Children the age of zero to two years are normally curious about their body parts and it is not surprising to find them touching their genitals in the bathtub or even during diaper changes. You may also have noticed that your baby boy has regular erections. Infants have no sense of privacy and may masturbate quite openly. Your reaction will tell the child whether what they are doing is acceptable or not acceptable. Calmly tell them that what they are doing is not proper. It is also advisable to start teaching infants the correct names of their genitals just as you do with other body parts.

Three to five years

This is the “what is this?” stage as they enquire about anything new they come across. It is also when they start interacting with other children and of the opposite sex. They are then bound to notice the difference between male and female genitals. It will not be surprising to find your child playing mum and dad with a kid next door. In such a case, do not scold your child or make them feel they have done something wrong. Explain to your child that his/ her private part is off limits and nobody should be touching them except mum, dad and the doctor for health and cleanliness reasons. Also reinforce the difference between good and bad touch and ask them to report to you when they feel someone has touched them inappropriately.

Six to nine years

You should now expect questions like “where do babies come from?” or “what is sex?”  Do not cower for cover. Simply and in a matter-of-fact way explain what sex is and state that it is for adults. Puberty is happening earlier these days and it is therefore imperative to teach your child the basics of puberty. Do not wait for your child to start asking questions as they may interpret sex as a taboo topic.

Nine to 12 years

Your child is on the threshold of puberty and may be shy to talk about sex.  Reassure them that the physical changes they are experiencing are absolutely normal. Remember to talk about the emotional changes as well as this can be more confusing than the physical changes that are happening to them. Caution them against becoming sexually active too soon and explain the inherent dangers like STDs and getting pregnant at an early age.  Be explicit of what you expect from your child.

13 to 18 years

Your teen’s hormones are on overdrive and the pressure to engage in sex is mounting.  Ensure that your child understands that what he/she sees in the sex saturated media is not real and that majority of young people are not sexually active. Seize any opportunity that will offer you a chance to have the sex talk. Use TV or radio programmes as a springboard for the discussion. Be direct about your position on sex without sounding overbearing or invoking scare tactics to discourage sexual activity. Your teen may seem disinterested in what you are saying about sex, but say it anyway. They are probably listening. It is also a good time to introduce the topic of contraceptives.

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Published in April 2015

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

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While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

Published

on

While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Endometriosis and sex: How to make intimacy pain-free

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There is no doubt that endometriosis can affect a woman’s way of life. The condition slews a couple of conditions, painful sex being one of them. Penetration pulls and pushes any tissue growth behind the vagina and lower uterus.

Although symptoms may differ from woman to woman, here are some things you can do to lessen your pain and ensure you have some good time:

Take a dose of painkillers

Take an over the counter painkiller that sits well with your body before intercourse and incase pain persists, take another one as prescribed.

Track your cycle and try at certain times of the month

Most women with endometriosis experience excruciating pain during their period and ovulation. Keep track of your cycle so that you can know when you are ovulating. You can use apps like my calendar and flo period tracker to track your periods. This will help you know when best to engage in sexual intercourse.

READ ALSO: Crucial Facts About Endometriosis Everyone Should Know About

Use lube

Vaginal dryness is not something to be ashamed of and if you happen to have it, lube should be your best buddy. Make sure to use any silicon or water based lubricant anytime you feel like your vagina is dry. Ensure the application is of good amount to achieve a wet area.

Explore alternatives

Talk with your partner about things that turn you on and bring you pleasure. Just to mention a few; mutual masturbation, foreplay, kissing and mutual fondling. Sex does not have to mean intercourse.

Try different positions

Experimenting different positions can teach you and your partner which ones hurt and the ones that bring direct pleasure with no or less pain. Positions that are considered better vary from person to person so take the time to explore and learn yourself with your partner.

Find the right rhythm

Finding the right rhythm can help you experience less discomfort during sex. Quick thrusting or deep penetration can aggravate pain. Talk to your partner about that which you do not like and find ways that will satisfy the both of you like exchanging positions so that you can control the speed and rhythm.

Bottom line

Intimacy does not have to be boring, painful or make you hate the condition that you have. Talk openly about your feelings around sex and penetration and what would help to ease your concerns.

Our FREE  e-paper March Issue is here!
As we celebrate our women this month, we bring you the best stories and the most inspiring features to get you going.
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