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When Your Spouse Is Out Of A Job

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Being jobless can be a traumatic experience for anybody, more so for a married man who is charged with the responsibility of providing for his family.  It can make one suffer from low self-esteem, which could lead to depression. The situation can get desperate if one had invested in college or university education with a hope of getting employment to repay back the investment.

A jobless person may feel hopeless, useless and insecure, which could make him think people are looking down upon him because of his status. He may feel undermined and insecure and live with the fear that his spouse may leave him for a more financially stable partner. These cocktail of emotions can lead one to be hot tempered, overly irritable, sensitive and difficult to live with. Some jobless people many engage in negative activities such as alcoholism and infidelity to escape from reality.

A woman living with a jobless husband can feel overwhelmed, unappreciated and at times think that he is not trying hard enough to get a job. A relationship going through this kind of frustration is likely to suffer damage unless the couple takes steps to ensure their love and support for each remains intact. A loving couple can weather the storm of unemployment if they take it within their stride as a passing cloud. The following tips are useful if you are in such a relationship:

Acknowledge the situation and remain positive. Do not dwell on what led to the situation but on the future and how you to make things better. Remember that the jobless spouse may be feeling discouraged and needs your encouragement and support. Let him know you are there for him and work with him to come up with better strategies for job hunting. These gestures will lift him up and encourage him to look at his current status of unemployment as temporary. You may need to make financial adjustments to ensure the family is not disrupted in a big way. If you have children, ensure they understand the situation so they don’t reject any changes you make.

Care for your spouse and show affection: Understand your spouse is going through a tough time and he needs your support, love and care. Provide for his basic needs and try to make his life as comfortable as possible. Try to help him maintain his lifestyle, for example, visiting the barber weekly or meeting his friends on Friday evening for a drink. Give him money to do these things without waiting for him to ask and if you don’t have, explain to him in a loving way. If you can’t afford to pay barber fee, help cut his hair at home. Take him out occasionally to distract him from his thoughts or arrange a romantic dinner at home. These things don’t have to cost much and the most important is the thought. Include your partner in all financial decisions you make. Simply because you are the sole provider doesn’t give you the right to change the family budget without consulting your partner.

Understand your partner’s emotions: Expecting your spouse to act normally when he is going through all the emotions of being jobless and without his own income is way out of line. You spouse’s attitude to life may be affected by his situation and he may be less accommodating or open to discussions. Instead of scolding him or hauling accusations at him, try to understand what he is going through. Be patient with him and learn to live with his changing moods. He may, for example, shout at you for no reason but you don’t have to shout back. Sometimes he may sulk for no reason but you don’t have to provoke him. Instead console him and encourage him that things will be alright and remind him you love him.

Get involved in his job search: Remember being jobless can be discouraging and your spouse could miss opportunities because he is not thinking straight or has given up on looking for a job. Assist him as much as possible in the job hunt. Look out for vacancy advertisements and draw his attention to them. Help him revamp his resume. Ask relatives, friends and colleagues to help. If he gets a job through your efforts, do not remind him of that fact. Let him not feel that he owes it to you. If a job is not forthcoming you can help him get into self-employment. Look for opportunities and help with coming up with a business plan and financing. In all this, ensure that your spouse takes ownership of anything you are helping him to do. Seeking his opinion before you go ahead to execute ideas you have will make him feel part of the process.

Express your own emotions freely: While you want to do everything possible for your partner, remember you are also human and you are likely to be going through your own emotional rollercoaster, especially if the financial burden is overwhelming. Do no try to mask your own emotions by pretending everything is okay when its not.  Discuss your feelings with your partner without complaining or expressing anger. If your emotions overwhelm you and you feel your spouse is not the best person to share with because he also has his own issues to deal with, talk to someone you trust or seek counselling.

editorial@parents.co.ke

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

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While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

Published

on

While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Endometriosis and sex: How to make intimacy pain-free

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There is no doubt that endometriosis can affect a woman’s way of life. The condition slews a couple of conditions, painful sex being one of them. Penetration pulls and pushes any tissue growth behind the vagina and lower uterus.

Although symptoms may differ from woman to woman, here are some things you can do to lessen your pain and ensure you have some good time:

Take a dose of painkillers

Take an over the counter painkiller that sits well with your body before intercourse and incase pain persists, take another one as prescribed.

Track your cycle and try at certain times of the month

Most women with endometriosis experience excruciating pain during their period and ovulation. Keep track of your cycle so that you can know when you are ovulating. You can use apps like my calendar and flo period tracker to track your periods. This will help you know when best to engage in sexual intercourse.

READ ALSO: Crucial Facts About Endometriosis Everyone Should Know About

Use lube

Vaginal dryness is not something to be ashamed of and if you happen to have it, lube should be your best buddy. Make sure to use any silicon or water based lubricant anytime you feel like your vagina is dry. Ensure the application is of good amount to achieve a wet area.

Explore alternatives

Talk with your partner about things that turn you on and bring you pleasure. Just to mention a few; mutual masturbation, foreplay, kissing and mutual fondling. Sex does not have to mean intercourse.

Try different positions

Experimenting different positions can teach you and your partner which ones hurt and the ones that bring direct pleasure with no or less pain. Positions that are considered better vary from person to person so take the time to explore and learn yourself with your partner.

Find the right rhythm

Finding the right rhythm can help you experience less discomfort during sex. Quick thrusting or deep penetration can aggravate pain. Talk to your partner about that which you do not like and find ways that will satisfy the both of you like exchanging positions so that you can control the speed and rhythm.

Bottom line

Intimacy does not have to be boring, painful or make you hate the condition that you have. Talk openly about your feelings around sex and penetration and what would help to ease your concerns.

Our FREE  e-paper March Issue is here!
As we celebrate our women this month, we bring you the best stories and the most inspiring features to get you going.
Click HERE to read!

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