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Want a better relationship? Learn to communicate effectively

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It has often been said that communication is one of the key elements of a healthy and successful relationship. Yet not everyone understands what exactly good communication is and how it can be achieved. We give you advice that will make you a better communicator and enhance your relationship.

There is no doubt that communication is of great importance in any relationship. You cannot have a relationship without communicating. It is one of the things that brings two people together and keeps them together. Communication involves how we express our thoughts, ideas and feelings to others. It allows two people to share their interests, aspirations and concerns. There are several aspects of communication that couples need to be aware of in order to improve the way they relate with each other.

UNDERSTAND DIFFERENT COMMUNICATION STYLES

Communication styles differ between individuals and also between men and women. It’s necessary that a couple know this. Women are generally known to be more expressive about their feelings and in most cases don’t feel the need to hide their emotions or weaknesses. Men on the other hand have been taught to be strong, never shed a tear or show that they are incapable. In most cases, when faced with a problem, they tend to withdraw and think over their problems in solitude while finding solutions to them.

In order to relate well and avoid relationship issues and conflicts, both need to understand and improve upon their communication styles as well as each other’s. Women should learn not to take it personally when men do not share their problems with them, and men should learn how to listen more and empathize with their partners instead of focusing on giving solutions.

EXPRESS YOURSELF AND COMMUNICATE CLEARLY 

Studies have shown that people in loving, supported relationships generally feel happier and have fewer health problems. It’s also been said that a problem shared is a problem half solved. Honest, direct communication is a key part of any relationship. When a couple is comfortable expressing their needs, fears and desires, their trust with each other is strengthened.

Talk to each other. No matter how well you know and love each other, you cannot read each other’s mind. It’s essential to communicate clearly so that misunderstandings that may cause hurt, anger or confusion are avoided. Before saying something to your partner, think about what you want to say and what you want to communicate by saying it. Be clear about your message so your partner understands exactly what you’re trying to say. Talk about what you want and feel. Use ‘I’ statements such as ‘I need’, ‘I want’ and ‘I feel’. Also regularly share positive feelings with your partner, such as what you appreciate and admire about them, and how important they are to you.

LISTEN TO COMMUNICATE

Listening is a critical part of effective communication. It encourages your partner to talk openly and honestly. Good listening tips include keeping comfortable eye contact, leaning towards your partner and making gestures to indicate interest and concern, having a fairly relaxed posture with your arms and legs uncrossed, facing your partner and ensuring that you’re on the same level to avoid looking up to or down on your partner. Show genuine attention and interest in what your partner is saying. Avoid distractions and interrupting when your partner is talking.

NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION

Sometimes a lot is said without speaking. Communication can be through eye contact, body posture, tone of voice and facial expressions. At times a hug is enough to communicate love and concern. Our non-verbal communication usually conveys a message, whether or not we are aware of it. If our feelings don’t fit with our words, it is often the non- verbal communication that gets heard and believed. Let your body language reflect what you are saying. Also familiarise yourself with your partner’s non verbal communication as people express and receive nonverbal messages in different ways and with different interpretations.

 COMMUNICATION CAN BE IMPROVED

You’re not stuck at your current state of communication. Open and clear communication can be learned and improved. To improve the way you communicate, you and your partner can ask yourselves the following questions and share your responses.

What brings you happiness and feelings of connection?

What things don’t you talk about and what stops you talking about them?

What causes conflict between you and your partner?

What causes you disappointment and pain?

How would you like your communication with your partner to be different? If both of you are open to improving the way you communicate, you can enjoy a more fulfilling relationship.

NEVER STOP COMMUNICATING

When people stop communicating well, they stop relating well. Various life changes and stress also end up taking a huge toll on the relationship. When you both make a deliberate effort to remain in constant communication with one another, you remain connected, maintain a strong bond, and make it easier to work through whatever problems you face.

Tips for effective communication

Find ways to be honest, express your feelings, and share ideas.

Share your daily life with your partner. Share those things in your life that are mildly interesting, funny, sad, or affect you in some way.

Share your problems. This serves to deepen and strengthen relationships and communication within them.

Refrain from insults, put-downs, and expressions of disgust, and avoid generalisations.

Boost each other’s self-esteem and self-confidence by affirming one another and focusing on positive traits.

Avoid always seeking to be right. You may feel like a winner but it’s the relationship that loses.

September2012

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

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While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

Published

on

While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Endometriosis and sex: How to make intimacy pain-free

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There is no doubt that endometriosis can affect a woman’s way of life. The condition slews a couple of conditions, painful sex being one of them. Penetration pulls and pushes any tissue growth behind the vagina and lower uterus.

Although symptoms may differ from woman to woman, here are some things you can do to lessen your pain and ensure you have some good time:

Take a dose of painkillers

Take an over the counter painkiller that sits well with your body before intercourse and incase pain persists, take another one as prescribed.

Track your cycle and try at certain times of the month

Most women with endometriosis experience excruciating pain during their period and ovulation. Keep track of your cycle so that you can know when you are ovulating. You can use apps like my calendar and flo period tracker to track your periods. This will help you know when best to engage in sexual intercourse.

READ ALSO: Crucial Facts About Endometriosis Everyone Should Know About

Use lube

Vaginal dryness is not something to be ashamed of and if you happen to have it, lube should be your best buddy. Make sure to use any silicon or water based lubricant anytime you feel like your vagina is dry. Ensure the application is of good amount to achieve a wet area.

Explore alternatives

Talk with your partner about things that turn you on and bring you pleasure. Just to mention a few; mutual masturbation, foreplay, kissing and mutual fondling. Sex does not have to mean intercourse.

Try different positions

Experimenting different positions can teach you and your partner which ones hurt and the ones that bring direct pleasure with no or less pain. Positions that are considered better vary from person to person so take the time to explore and learn yourself with your partner.

Find the right rhythm

Finding the right rhythm can help you experience less discomfort during sex. Quick thrusting or deep penetration can aggravate pain. Talk to your partner about that which you do not like and find ways that will satisfy the both of you like exchanging positions so that you can control the speed and rhythm.

Bottom line

Intimacy does not have to be boring, painful or make you hate the condition that you have. Talk openly about your feelings around sex and penetration and what would help to ease your concerns.

Our FREE  e-paper March Issue is here!
As we celebrate our women this month, we bring you the best stories and the most inspiring features to get you going.
Click HERE to read!

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