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Things men wish women knew about love

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Christopher Maina

Dear ladies, I write on behalf of my brothers to pass a message we all believe will be invaluable to you. It is said that love makes the world go round and this letter is about love. It is also about attracting that love of your life. But most importantly, it is about helping you understand how men think and the things they value in a woman. You see, dear sisters, I love and care about you, hence my decision to write this to you.

Most men see many women trying too hard to catch a brother’s eye. Sometimes you get lucky and sometimes you don’t. We know the feeling when one is ignored or suffers outright rejection despite their effort.  And we want to save you the humiliation. We want you to know the things that you do thinking they will impress us but which actually only serve to put us further off. Love is blind and sometimes it can lead one to do or attempt to do daft things. I hope this serves as an eye-opener to you.

We don’t like girls who drink too much. Men truly love their drink. Sometimes we like to see our women get a little tipsy for the fun of it. Even doctors recommend a glass or two of wine a day. But a girl who drinks herself to a stupor to prove she is the “crazy” one is a no, no. Actually, real gentlemen have an unwritten alcohol rule: “Drink only the amount of alcohol you can carry in your stomach.” So, the sight of a woman on all fours or throwing up can never be romantic no matter the justification. And finally, a woman should NEVER be caught blinded by those cheap and illegal drinks – even if your boyfriend stoops to such lows.

We want you healthy not skinny. Now, who told some women that skinny is sexy? Hollywood probably! But the catwalk models are not models of sexiness but only of commercialisation. They are merchants of products and nothing more. One thing men don’t want from their women is embarrassment. Our ego is too vulnerable that we don’t want society judging us based on how we keep our women. Skinny, to a man, spells emaciation due to starvation. When one’s woman is too skinny, what we see written all over the faces of everyone else we meet is this man is doing so badly that he can’t even feed his woman, or that the man is putting the lady under too much stress. We hate it when you go on diet to get a size six figure. That is not what we want. We want you looking healthy. And we want you to have some flesh on you, not a skeleton in a Little Black Dress. And don’t take this as license to get obese. That too is a put off. Healthy looking is the word. Obese is not healthy, and skinny looks sickly.

We only want to see you naked in the bedroom. Some women barely get time to dress up nowadays, it seems. They will appear at a public place with only a 12-inch cloth for a top and the rest is bra and flesh. Some don’t even know the price of a fitting bra. And why would a normal woman show up for a date or at a dance hall in a mini-mini skirt and no panties? Hear this from us about what we think whenever we see a girl trying too hard to show her flesh – hooker! Yes, we think you are just a cheap woman whose only selling point is her body. We think you are good for a one-night stand but not good enough to introduce you to our friends, parents or the larger society.

And it is true brothers can’t understand why such women keep cursing when their calls are never picked after the one-night stand. Think about it, why would a man want to pick a hooker’s phone call, when the main reason men prefer sex with prostitutes is the ‘no-strings-attached’ rule? So, dear sister, if you want to be treated like a marriageable woman or a woman of honour, dress like one. We will notice you. This does not mean you wear skirts and dresses touching the ankle. No. But when you show your thighs or cleavage, let it be a tease, not a revelation.

Finally, stop all the drama in public especially when we are together, you can wait till we reach home for us to fight in private. I agree it was a bad idea to hug my ex in your presence, but don’t start throwing tantrums at our friend’s wedding. There will be time to put things straight afterwards.

 Published in June 2014

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

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While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

Published

on

While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Endometriosis and sex: How to make intimacy pain-free

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There is no doubt that endometriosis can affect a woman’s way of life. The condition slews a couple of conditions, painful sex being one of them. Penetration pulls and pushes any tissue growth behind the vagina and lower uterus.

Although symptoms may differ from woman to woman, here are some things you can do to lessen your pain and ensure you have some good time:

Take a dose of painkillers

Take an over the counter painkiller that sits well with your body before intercourse and incase pain persists, take another one as prescribed.

Track your cycle and try at certain times of the month

Most women with endometriosis experience excruciating pain during their period and ovulation. Keep track of your cycle so that you can know when you are ovulating. You can use apps like my calendar and flo period tracker to track your periods. This will help you know when best to engage in sexual intercourse.

READ ALSO: Crucial Facts About Endometriosis Everyone Should Know About

Use lube

Vaginal dryness is not something to be ashamed of and if you happen to have it, lube should be your best buddy. Make sure to use any silicon or water based lubricant anytime you feel like your vagina is dry. Ensure the application is of good amount to achieve a wet area.

Explore alternatives

Talk with your partner about things that turn you on and bring you pleasure. Just to mention a few; mutual masturbation, foreplay, kissing and mutual fondling. Sex does not have to mean intercourse.

Try different positions

Experimenting different positions can teach you and your partner which ones hurt and the ones that bring direct pleasure with no or less pain. Positions that are considered better vary from person to person so take the time to explore and learn yourself with your partner.

Find the right rhythm

Finding the right rhythm can help you experience less discomfort during sex. Quick thrusting or deep penetration can aggravate pain. Talk to your partner about that which you do not like and find ways that will satisfy the both of you like exchanging positions so that you can control the speed and rhythm.

Bottom line

Intimacy does not have to be boring, painful or make you hate the condition that you have. Talk openly about your feelings around sex and penetration and what would help to ease your concerns.

Our FREE  e-paper March Issue is here!
As we celebrate our women this month, we bring you the best stories and the most inspiring features to get you going.
Click HERE to read!

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