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The untold turmoil of being brought up by a single mother

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MARY WANJIRA grew up knowing only two other members of her family- her mother and brother. But at a relatively young age, already, she could tell that this was not the ‘normal’ family set up. Even before the questions came in from her peers, she could already tell that something was amiss, and had many questions in her mind without answers. It was not only not her fault, but also, the world didn’t seem to notice or even care for what simply coming from a single-parent family was doing to her. To date, she says, the effects of growing up without a father are by far underrated and thus the issue of single parenting is being treated far too casually.

“Couldn’t ask questions, so I faked an answer”

By the age of seven, Shyrah wanted to know why she did not have a father like others did. When she understood that biologically there must have been a father, she wanted to know what had happened to hers. Unfortunately, the one person who most definitely had the answers to her questions- her mother- did not give her the space to ask. Somehow, without being told, she knew that that was not a topic for discussion. It wasn’t until later when it was inevitable for her mother to talk about it that she realized that the cause for this was the sour end that had become of the marriage before she ended up a single mum. Of course, it wasn’t Shyrah’s fault. She feels like she ended up a victim of a fall out that she was not a part of. “These are things that ate me up from inside and created an emptiness within me, worse than even financial struggle. In my adolescent years it became worse, and I remember starting to lie that my dad was dead just to avoid many questions.”

Met him but never knew it was him
As often happens in such circumstances, when Shyrah’s father appeared in her life, her mother was angry at him for showing up, and the anger was also transferred to her. She didn’t even know she had met him. He was just a man who had come to her mom’s mtumba stall where she was helping out after having completed her high school studies. He had insisted that he wanted to see her mom, and her attempts to take a message had not borne fruit. When she innocently explained to her mother about the man, “That is the man who abandoned you”, was what came, among other accusations that made it clear that she had unknowingly met her father, but also that she was not allowed to associate with him as he was not a good person. What her mother did not understand was that for her, it was impossible to look at her father as just the man who abandoned them- naturally, she needed closure; needed to meet him even if she didn’t know what she would say or ask if she did. For her mother it could have been a clear cut ‘I do not want to see that guy’ affair, but for her it wasn’t that easy. Something naturally beyond the expected bitterness of having been abandoned compelled her to want to meet this man. But she didn’t. She was the calm obedient type of child. Still, she says that failing to insist on meeting her father didn’t mean that her questions were answered, her confusion resolved or her longingness fulfilled.

The uncertainties remained, the what ifs, the maybes and taking blame for what was not my fault.

The untold turmoil of being brought up by a single mother (Part 2)
“I feel like I wasted too many years of my life going around in circles of pity and struggling to justify my state. But finally, when I realized that I had a life to live, I accepted myself and even found my place in activities that I enjoy doing to date.”

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

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While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

Published

on

While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Endometriosis and sex: How to make intimacy pain-free

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There is no doubt that endometriosis can affect a woman’s way of life. The condition slews a couple of conditions, painful sex being one of them. Penetration pulls and pushes any tissue growth behind the vagina and lower uterus.

Although symptoms may differ from woman to woman, here are some things you can do to lessen your pain and ensure you have some good time:

Take a dose of painkillers

Take an over the counter painkiller that sits well with your body before intercourse and incase pain persists, take another one as prescribed.

Track your cycle and try at certain times of the month

Most women with endometriosis experience excruciating pain during their period and ovulation. Keep track of your cycle so that you can know when you are ovulating. You can use apps like my calendar and flo period tracker to track your periods. This will help you know when best to engage in sexual intercourse.

READ ALSO: Crucial Facts About Endometriosis Everyone Should Know About

Use lube

Vaginal dryness is not something to be ashamed of and if you happen to have it, lube should be your best buddy. Make sure to use any silicon or water based lubricant anytime you feel like your vagina is dry. Ensure the application is of good amount to achieve a wet area.

Explore alternatives

Talk with your partner about things that turn you on and bring you pleasure. Just to mention a few; mutual masturbation, foreplay, kissing and mutual fondling. Sex does not have to mean intercourse.

Try different positions

Experimenting different positions can teach you and your partner which ones hurt and the ones that bring direct pleasure with no or less pain. Positions that are considered better vary from person to person so take the time to explore and learn yourself with your partner.

Find the right rhythm

Finding the right rhythm can help you experience less discomfort during sex. Quick thrusting or deep penetration can aggravate pain. Talk to your partner about that which you do not like and find ways that will satisfy the both of you like exchanging positions so that you can control the speed and rhythm.

Bottom line

Intimacy does not have to be boring, painful or make you hate the condition that you have. Talk openly about your feelings around sex and penetration and what would help to ease your concerns.

Our FREE  e-paper March Issue is here!
As we celebrate our women this month, we bring you the best stories and the most inspiring features to get you going.
Click HERE to read!

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