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The invisible burden women shoulder for society

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A four-part tale

The judge:

On Friday, September 24, Justice Teresia Matheka made headlines when she declared that being a housewife amounts to a full-time payable job. According to her, it was an unfair assumption that being a housewife bore no significant contribution to the family’s financial wellbeing and urged her counterparts to take this into consideration for similar future disputes.  The landmark ruling, which came as part of a matrimonial property dispute, thus saw the judge award Mary Wambui half of her matrimonial home in the divorce settlement. The declaration elicited mixed reactions from Kenyans and made headlines beyond Kenyan borders.  Majority of women and some men agreed while yet another section of men was up in arms over the statement. This was evident from comment sections of various media outlets when the news was shared and is testament to the general opinion held over the issue.

The woman in question:

At the heart of the dispute was Mary Wambui, a mother of three. Mary had sought to have the matrimonial property sold and the money split evenly between her and her ex-husband whom she had been married to for 13 years.

“If housework is to be quantified, it is a lot of work; you start it in the morning and even by evening you’re not done. It’s like a vicious cycle,” said the mother of three during an interview with the BBC.

And while non-financial contribution to the household is acknowledged in the Matrimonial Property Act enacted in 2013, she still faced resistance over the move. Fortunately, the ruling provided relief and validation of her role in the home.

“I feel I am a role model for African women. Women suffer and tend to feel that they don’t own anything,” said Ms. Wambui during the interview.

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The stay-at-home mom:

Thirty-year-old Sharon*, a resident of Nairobi, agrees with Justice Matheka that domestic work should be payable, although, for her, the circumstances are different. The mother of one has been a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) for nearly three years after she lost her film production job shortly after she got pregnant, and was unable to find another.

And while she has been able to look after her son for the most part, which she is grateful for, she recognises that being a stay-at-home mom can be quite a task. For starters, the bulk of raising her son and house chores are mostly on her as her partner has to go to work, which sometimes, takes him away from home for a few days. She is however, fortunate that she had invested in equipment to make her work easier such as a washing machine and that her partner is able to meet their current needs. All the same, she is cognizant that not all women who have to attend to domestic work have similar privileges which, naturally, adds to their plate more work.

Secondly, she decries the fact that her social life has become non-existent.

“Your friends no longer want to invite you to places because you’ll either not be able to attend or you have to leave early to go back home and you can’t really blame them,” she says.

As such, she admits that she would not think twice about going back to the field, as according to her, it is important for a woman to make her own money and at some point, was depressed by the fact that she was unable to. In her case, it is especially driven by the fact that she has been fending for herself since she was in campus and not necessarily that either of the two roles might be easier than the other.

She thus cautions the society against making it seem like staying at home is an ‘easier’ option and urges people not to regard SAHMs as disempowered women as according to her, “It is unfortunate that it’s fellow women who tend to look down on stay-at-home moms as people who are uneducated or have nothing better to do with their lives.”

“Women stay home for various reasons and regardless of the circumstances, it should be recognized as viable work that should be paid for, whenever possible. If you were to bring in help, you would pay them for the same roles,” she explains.

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The ‘working class’ woman:

In early 2019, the illustration below by a Spanish illustrator went viral. It depicts men and women dressed in suits –to imply that they are working professionals– at the starting point of a race. Interestingly, while the tracks in front of the men are clear, the women have to contend with various hurdles such as a clothes line, ironing table, washing machine, laundry basket and oven; to give the idea of the household chores they need to finish, while being part of the ‘rat race’.

Figure 1: Illustration on inequality by a Spanish illustrator

As the illustration garnered traction online displaying gender parity, it also brought to light the aspect of care work as a task meant for women.

Unpacking unpaid care work

In most households, it is considered women’s natural obligation to take care of the home. This includes caring for the children and other members of the family, handling or delegating house chores and general home-making.

Women’s role in care work. Image courtesy: Oxfam

According to the International Labour Organization, care work is broadly defined as ‘consisting of activities and relations involved in meeting the physical, psychological and emotional needs of adults and children, old and young, frail and able-bodied.’  These activities constitute work as theoretically, a third party could be paid to perform them. The organization also noted that women and girls globally do over 3/4th of the total unpaid care work, and two-thirds of care workers are women. This happens regardless of whether or not the woman holds another paid job creating a ‘doubled burden’ of work for women.

And while some could argue that sometimes this is a choice, majority of people can agree that there isn’t a similar expectation laid on men. According to a 2019 Household Care Survey commissioned by Oxfam through their WE-CARE programme, women were found to spend 11.1 hours on care work compared to men’s 2.9 hours per day. This is representative of how the burden of care work disproportionately lies on women who are either stay at home mothers, community health volunteers, casual labourers or hired domestic help who in most cases tend to be grossly underpaid.

Image courtesy: Oxfam

Aside from the physical and mental load it carries, it furthers gender inequality and the gender pay gap making women vulnerable to situations such as poverty and violence. This is because the expectation to perform these duties that are seen as the preserve of women tends to legitimize various forms of violence against them if they are unable to perform.

Additionally, this time spent by women on unpaid care work, limits access to education and eventually affects their ability to join a paid workforce, build a skill or even take time off for leisure.

The Household Care Survey further noted that ‘Unpaid care and domestic work (UCDW) underpins all societies and contributes to wellbeing, social development and economic growth and yet it remains largely invisible, unrecognized and absent from public policies.’ As a result, these women do not have protection from physical, mental and sometimes sexual harm.

With Covid-19, the situation became even more dire with women being subjected to a heavier burden of unpaid care work compared to their male counterparts. As an Oxfam survey conducted in 2020 reports, 26 per cent of women interviewed in Nairobi’s informal settlements said they had been physically unwell, been unable to get enough rest, or were feeling stressed and anxious because of increased care responsibilities.

Addressing unpaid care work in Kenya

According to Daisy Amdany, who is the Executive Director of the Community Advocacy and Awareness (CRAWN) Trust, unpaid care work and violence against women continues to be perpetuated by traditional beliefs on what the true measure of a good woman is.

CRAWN Trust ED Daisy Amdany. Image courtesy: Crawn Trust on Twitter

“Society has normalized the wrong belief that withstanding pain or suffering is what it means to be a woman,” said Ms. Amdany on an online forum on GBV.

To address this, Ms. Amdany recommends confronting social and cultural structures that continue to disempower women such as the lack of recognition of unpaid care and domestic work as having economic value.

The responsibility to address this inequality, according to activists, also lies with the government and its policymakers. This is especially because the burden of unpaid care work absolves the government of its responsibility to provide care services for its citizens. According to Oxfam, it is possible to address the disproportionate responsibility for care work undertaken by women and girls if the government invests in national care systems and recognizes the economic contribution of care work to society. This includes proper infrastructure to care for the elderly and the sick and provision of services such as education and access to water.

In line with this year’s theme, ‘Orange the World: END VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN NOW!’, various stakeholders are therefore calling for a transformative approach to ending gender violence by ‘fostering critical examination of gender roles, regimes and practices, while seeking to create or strengthen equitable gender norms and dynamics for fundamental, lasting changes for women and girls.’

*Not her real name.

Featured image credit: Reuters/Thomas Mukoya

Resources
https://www.unwomen.org/sites/default/files/2021-11/UNiTE-campaign-2021-concept-note-en.pdf

https://profiles.uonbi.ac.ke/tondicho/files/why_battered_women_stay.pdf

https://www.oecd.org/dev/development-gender/Unpaid_care_work.pdf

http://kenyalaw.org/kenyalawblog/highlights-of-the-matrimonial-property-act-2013/

https://oxfamilibrary.openrepository.com/bitstream/handle/10546/621179/bn-we-care-ucdw-kenya-130421-en.pdf;jsessionid=99DF967DB280359CE14A1502E9C69EE4?sequence=1

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

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While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

Published

on

While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Endometriosis and sex: How to make intimacy pain-free

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There is no doubt that endometriosis can affect a woman’s way of life. The condition slews a couple of conditions, painful sex being one of them. Penetration pulls and pushes any tissue growth behind the vagina and lower uterus.

Although symptoms may differ from woman to woman, here are some things you can do to lessen your pain and ensure you have some good time:

Take a dose of painkillers

Take an over the counter painkiller that sits well with your body before intercourse and incase pain persists, take another one as prescribed.

Track your cycle and try at certain times of the month

Most women with endometriosis experience excruciating pain during their period and ovulation. Keep track of your cycle so that you can know when you are ovulating. You can use apps like my calendar and flo period tracker to track your periods. This will help you know when best to engage in sexual intercourse.

READ ALSO: Crucial Facts About Endometriosis Everyone Should Know About

Use lube

Vaginal dryness is not something to be ashamed of and if you happen to have it, lube should be your best buddy. Make sure to use any silicon or water based lubricant anytime you feel like your vagina is dry. Ensure the application is of good amount to achieve a wet area.

Explore alternatives

Talk with your partner about things that turn you on and bring you pleasure. Just to mention a few; mutual masturbation, foreplay, kissing and mutual fondling. Sex does not have to mean intercourse.

Try different positions

Experimenting different positions can teach you and your partner which ones hurt and the ones that bring direct pleasure with no or less pain. Positions that are considered better vary from person to person so take the time to explore and learn yourself with your partner.

Find the right rhythm

Finding the right rhythm can help you experience less discomfort during sex. Quick thrusting or deep penetration can aggravate pain. Talk to your partner about that which you do not like and find ways that will satisfy the both of you like exchanging positions so that you can control the speed and rhythm.

Bottom line

Intimacy does not have to be boring, painful or make you hate the condition that you have. Talk openly about your feelings around sex and penetration and what would help to ease your concerns.

Our FREE  e-paper March Issue is here!
As we celebrate our women this month, we bring you the best stories and the most inspiring features to get you going.
Click HERE to read!

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