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Talk about marriage like it really matters

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An administrator of a WhatsApp group added me by mistake… I mean she had not asked whether I wanted to join the group and after receiving a barrage of messages from people in the group, many of them total strangers, I wanted to tell the administrator to remove me from the group. But she is a friend and I can never envision myself doing such a thing.

So I let it be. Today, I am a happy member of the group, a Godsend; I call it.

The group talks about marriage. Sometimes a member sends a joke, but those are quickly sidestepped by tens of messages on marriage.

A member raises an issue: What does a man want in a woman? What is it about women and their husbands’ phones? Is it true babies cry at night to prevent you from making another baby? Why do men cheat?… And a man will also ask, why do women cheat? Why is it so hard to laugh with a spouse the way we laugh with friends? In between someone will post a quote on marriage, or a clip or audio on marriage, sex, old age, finances, in-laws, exes, emotional infidelity and so forth, before a funny fellow posts a joke like the one below.

Husband: Sweetheart, I’m going for a three-day church conference.

Wife: OK; but let’s commit your journey into the hands of God in prayer.

Husband: Lead us in prayer then.

Wife: God grant my husband a great journey.

Husband: (very loud) Ameeeeeeeen!

Wife: Don’t grant his manhood erection if he tries to commit adultery.

Husband: (silent).

Wife: Don’t let him return safely if he manages to have extramarital affairs with other ladies.

Husband: (sweating).

Wife: In fact, Holy Spirit, kill him if he commits…………..

Husband: Ohhhhhh! Shut up, it’s OK, I’m not going anymore because the Holy Spirit just told me that the conference has been cancelled.

But even such jokes lead to yet another in-depth discussion. The point I have gotten since joining (thank God for my friend) is that people want to talk about marriage and to hear about it. Some of the members are just months into their marriages, a majority between one and seven years in marriage and few above that. As such, you pretty much get to hear from all ages how marriage is and should be.

But the overriding message that I have gotten from this forum is that marriage matters a lot for many people and many want to be successful in their marriages. The news we watch on television, therefore, of man killing wife before committing suicide, woman slashing her husband with a panga, a married pastor caught pants down with a married woman in a lodging, or this and that “respected” couple filing for divorce, and more and more people opting to be single parents, is not anywhere near the real story of marriage.

The true story is that majority of people want their marriages to last a lifetime. They are not getting into it on a trial basis. No! Many of us want it to work. Surprisingly even the man or woman who cheats on his or her spouse wants his or her marriage to work. Single men and ladies want to find a partner with whom they can start and build a lasting family.

So, what’s the problem? Why is the marriage story told on television becoming like the true story? This forum has given me a possible answer. People are not talking enough about marriage. Couples are not sharing their experiences – good and bad – with others leading to a situation where a partner carries the burden alone without anyone else seeming to understand them. But since joining this group, I have discovered that my experience is not unique to me. So many couples are going through what I go through. When I open up, someone else offers their advice based on their experience.

Here’s the secret, fellow brothers, why chama-going women always outlive their husbands: they talk and talk and talk. They discuss their marriages with other women and therein get advised on how to handle these situations. Sometimes the advice is not the best, but it’s better to have an advice than none at all.
So, can we all agree to talk about marriage in our workplaces and social sites and even in the bar? I think that will save a few marriages and make the strong ones blossom.

So, go ahead and start your own WhatsApp group and raise any issues you have about your marriage.
You will be glad you did!

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

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While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

Published

on

While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Endometriosis and sex: How to make intimacy pain-free

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There is no doubt that endometriosis can affect a woman’s way of life. The condition slews a couple of conditions, painful sex being one of them. Penetration pulls and pushes any tissue growth behind the vagina and lower uterus.

Although symptoms may differ from woman to woman, here are some things you can do to lessen your pain and ensure you have some good time:

Take a dose of painkillers

Take an over the counter painkiller that sits well with your body before intercourse and incase pain persists, take another one as prescribed.

Track your cycle and try at certain times of the month

Most women with endometriosis experience excruciating pain during their period and ovulation. Keep track of your cycle so that you can know when you are ovulating. You can use apps like my calendar and flo period tracker to track your periods. This will help you know when best to engage in sexual intercourse.

READ ALSO: Crucial Facts About Endometriosis Everyone Should Know About

Use lube

Vaginal dryness is not something to be ashamed of and if you happen to have it, lube should be your best buddy. Make sure to use any silicon or water based lubricant anytime you feel like your vagina is dry. Ensure the application is of good amount to achieve a wet area.

Explore alternatives

Talk with your partner about things that turn you on and bring you pleasure. Just to mention a few; mutual masturbation, foreplay, kissing and mutual fondling. Sex does not have to mean intercourse.

Try different positions

Experimenting different positions can teach you and your partner which ones hurt and the ones that bring direct pleasure with no or less pain. Positions that are considered better vary from person to person so take the time to explore and learn yourself with your partner.

Find the right rhythm

Finding the right rhythm can help you experience less discomfort during sex. Quick thrusting or deep penetration can aggravate pain. Talk to your partner about that which you do not like and find ways that will satisfy the both of you like exchanging positions so that you can control the speed and rhythm.

Bottom line

Intimacy does not have to be boring, painful or make you hate the condition that you have. Talk openly about your feelings around sex and penetration and what would help to ease your concerns.

Our FREE  e-paper March Issue is here!
As we celebrate our women this month, we bring you the best stories and the most inspiring features to get you going.
Click HERE to read!

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