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Take the HONESTY TEST with me…

Published

11 years ago

on

Editor

Let’s face it – we all lie.
Yes we do. When you don’t tell it as it is, you are lying. That little white lie is a sin we commit so many times each day that we often lose count. When you tell your secretary to say you are in a meeting when you are actually at your desk, you are lying. When the phone rings and your son calls you to answer it and you tell him to say you are not in, you are lying. How many lies have you told since you woke up this morning? I bet many. Why do I say so? Because sometimes we don’t think sugarcoating the facts or altering facts to suit the desired results is being dishonest.

Think about various situations we often encounter and are not exactly honest. Examples:

A friend walks in wearing this hideous blonde weave and she asks you what you think. You don’t want to hurt her feelings so you tell her she looks good, or you take the middle ground and say you like her short hair better, but the weave is okay. Either way you are not being honest. You are trying to validate your friend’s opinion, as she must have liked the weave to choose it. We often lie to keep safe instead of being honest and saying exactly what we feel.

Perhaps the most lies we tell are to those closest to us – our children and significant other. You know the path your child is taking is not good for them but instead of being honest, you beat around the bush without exactly stating the words that should come from an insightful parent’s mouth. Why? Because you don’t want to hurt their feelings or your relationship with them. Your partner is treating you unfairly but instead of being honest and telling them how you feel, you pretend all is well. Why? Because you don’t want to rock the boat.

Or you have been on the same job for five years without a promotion or a decent pay raise and you know your performance and attitude may be the issues and instead of tackling them, you continue to lie to yourself that things will be better next year. You wake up each morning to go to work angry for not getting what you think you deserve, and afraid you may lose your job. Anger and fear are emotions that make us lie. Here comes the favourite lie: “Traffic was a nightmare” each time you are late for an appointment. Granted traffic is bad in the city of Nairobi, most of us use this white lie to cover a major weakness in time keeping. Why can’t you be honest and work on this weakness? And if a friend keeps you waiting and tells you this obvious lie, be honest and let them know how you feel. If they are not willing to change decide to stop putting yourself in situations with people who disappoint you.

And what about when you are clueless about what is being discussed and when asked for your opinion you go something like: “I agree with so and so…” repeating exactly what has already been said. When you don’t know something, the simplest and most productive way to communicate that is with three simple words: “I don’t know.” You are being honest and open to learning something. People often tend to act like they know something in order to bolster their self-esteem. But you need to be realistic – nobody is an expert on everything and honesty is a virtue.

A final common one. A relative or friend asks you for a favour you are unwilling or unable to give but because you don’t want to upset them, you do it grumblingly. When you are honest, you set limits and clear boundaries, which you expect others to respect. You shouldn’t let people make you uncomfortable because of speaking the truth.

Sometimes we don’t lie because we mean to lie, but because it is convenient. Depending on how you handle situations, you fall in any of the three parameters of the honesty meter. You are wishy-washy when faced with unsettling situations and have a tendency to mask your true feelings. But in trying to prevent people from reacting negatively to, or being hurt by what you have to say, you are basically just lying to them, and to yourself. Sugarcoating statements comes from fear. But if you live your life in fear, never telling people how you really feel or what you really want, you wind up compromised and with a lot of unmet needs.

You are frank and fair when you tap into your feelings and determine the most constructive way to convey your feelings without being too domineering or submissive. Truth telling over time makes you more loving and less fearful. You are expressing how you feel for the sake of better relationships. Ultimately, people appreciate you for caring enough to be honest with them.

You are brutally honest when you don’t mince your words when telling the truth. While this is better than not speaking up at all, you may be doing more harm than good by being too overbearing. Try to express your feelings in ways that don’t hurt. Always speak honestly from your heart and choose the right words.

Published in March 2015

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

Published

3 weeks ago

on

March 19, 2026

By

While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

Published

3 weeks ago

on

March 19, 2026

By

While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Endometriosis and sex: How to make intimacy pain-free

Published

1 month ago

on

March 11, 2026

By

There is no doubt that endometriosis can affect a woman’s way of life. The condition slews a couple of conditions, painful sex being one of them. Penetration pulls and pushes any tissue growth behind the vagina and lower uterus.

Although symptoms may differ from woman to woman, here are some things you can do to lessen your pain and ensure you have some good time:

Take a dose of painkillers

Take an over the counter painkiller that sits well with your body before intercourse and incase pain persists, take another one as prescribed.

Track your cycle and try at certain times of the month

Most women with endometriosis experience excruciating pain during their period and ovulation. Keep track of your cycle so that you can know when you are ovulating. You can use apps like my calendar and flo period tracker to track your periods. This will help you know when best to engage in sexual intercourse.

READ ALSO: Crucial Facts About Endometriosis Everyone Should Know About

Use lube

Vaginal dryness is not something to be ashamed of and if you happen to have it, lube should be your best buddy. Make sure to use any silicon or water based lubricant anytime you feel like your vagina is dry. Ensure the application is of good amount to achieve a wet area.

Explore alternatives

Talk with your partner about things that turn you on and bring you pleasure. Just to mention a few; mutual masturbation, foreplay, kissing and mutual fondling. Sex does not have to mean intercourse.

Try different positions

Experimenting different positions can teach you and your partner which ones hurt and the ones that bring direct pleasure with no or less pain. Positions that are considered better vary from person to person so take the time to explore and learn yourself with your partner.

Find the right rhythm

Finding the right rhythm can help you experience less discomfort during sex. Quick thrusting or deep penetration can aggravate pain. Talk to your partner about that which you do not like and find ways that will satisfy the both of you like exchanging positions so that you can control the speed and rhythm.

Bottom line

Intimacy does not have to be boring, painful or make you hate the condition that you have. Talk openly about your feelings around sex and penetration and what would help to ease your concerns.

Our FREE  e-paper March Issue is here!
As we celebrate our women this month, we bring you the best stories and the most inspiring features to get you going.
Click HERE to read!

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