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Raising the strong-willed teen

It is paramount to know how to deal with your teenager without severing your relationship.

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If you grew up in the 90s going backwards, you know it was taboo to talk back to your parent. In fact, back then, children were to be seen not heard and in some homes, even being seen was a sin. In the 21st century, things have changed and children, especially teenagers, have learned to speak their minds, sometimes without filtering the words that come out of their mouths.

Unfortunately, raising such a strong-willed and assertive teen can be quite an uphill task. Nevertheless, in some parts of Africa, they say, a born child cannot be thrown away. Therefore, it is paramount to know how to deal with your teenager without severing your relationship.

While every parenting experience is different, here are a few tips you can try.

Allow them some independence

Your teen is transitioning from childhood to adulthood. During this time, all they want is to be in control.  Allow them to make their own decisions without completely neglecting your duties and as a parent but at the same time resisting the temptation to hover.

You can check in with them from time to time to keep them accountable. Make sure your language is respectful and your tone is not accusing at all.

Set boundaries

Let your child know what is acceptable and what is not. Where possible set boundaries before you need them. In the same breath avoid setting rules and boundaries when emotions are running high. Otherwise, you end up making unrealistic rules which may give your child more reason to oppose and even become rebellious.

Also, when setting rules, do not leave any room for ambiguity. Instead, be as clear as possible.

Do not be pulled into a power struggle with your teenager

Even when your teen is driving you crazy, do not stand and argue with them. Always remember that you are the parent. As long as your child knows the rules, make your point and walk away. However, do not sound demanding. The more demanding you sound, the more your child is inclined to rebel.

Consult them

Asking for your teen’s opinion especially when making decisions that concern them tells them that you respect them as individuals and that you trust them to make the right decisions.

Mind your communication

The communication style you used when your child was younger may not work with your teen. Therefore, mind your language and try as much as possible to get your child’s thoughts and input as opposed to imposing things on them.

Spend some time together

Teens value their independence. However, this does not relieve you of your duty as a parent. Your child will always need you regardless of their age. Therefore, ensure that you spend time with your child. You can choose an activity that both you and your child loves and use this time to bond. Whatever you do, ensure that your child is fine with it and that you are not forcing yourself on them when they would rather be hanging out with peers.

Again don’t hover and don’t be clingy!

Be vulnerable

There is a common joke in Kenyan households that all of our parents topped their classes. Almost no one has heard of a parent who came the second position let alone failed their classes. Unfortunately, this puts unrealistic pressure on children and makes the parents less relatable.

Sometimes, it’s good to be vulnerable to your teen. For instance, when you are trying to stop them from doing something that you know has dire consequences, you can share your experience with them. Vulnerability makes you relatable and opens the lines of communication between you and your teen.

When is said and done…

Raising a strong-willed child is not impossible. You just need to remember that they are trying to find their place as they transition into adulthood. All they need is a listening ear, respect, some level of control and lots of love and patience. Most of the time, it’s just a phase that will soon go away.

 

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The joy of controlled freedom in parenting

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Parenting often revolves around setting boundaries and ensuring children follow rules. While discipline is essential, there is a hidden joy and power in saying “yes” to your child more often. Allowing controlled freedom can be a game-changer in fostering independence, confidence, and resilience in your child.

The Power of Yes

Saying “yes” doesn’t mean giving in to every whim or desire. Instead, it’s about choosing moments where your child can explore their world with freedom.

Whether it’s allowing them to choose their outfit for the day or letting them plan a family outing, these small moments of empowerment build self-esteem.

Building Confidence Through Freedom

Children thrive when they feel trusted. By saying “yes” to reasonable requests, you’re telling your child that you believe in their ability to make decisions.

This trust translates into confidence as they learn to navigate their choices, understanding the consequences and rewards that come with them.

Creating Safe Boundaries

While saying “yes” is powerful, it’s crucial to establish safe boundaries. These boundaries ensure that your child’s freedom doesn’t lead to harm.

For example, you might say, “Yes, you can play outside, but stay where I can see you.” This approach allows freedom within a safe framework, giving your child the space to grow while keeping them protected.

Encouraging Problem-Solving Skills

When you allow your child to make decisions, you’re also teaching them to solve problems. They learn to think critically about their choices, weighing options, and considering outcomes. This skill is invaluable, as it prepares them for real-world challenges.

The Lasting Impact

The simple act of saying “yes” more often can have a profound impact on your child’s development. It’s a way to show trust, build confidence, and encourage independence.

So next time your child asks for something, consider the power of “yes.” It might just be the best answer you give all day.

For more, click HERE to join our WhatsApp channel!

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Cover Story

The joy of controlled freedom in parenting

Published

on

Parenting often revolves around setting boundaries and ensuring children follow rules. While discipline is essential, there is a hidden joy and power in saying “yes” to your child more often. Allowing controlled freedom can be a game-changer in fostering independence, confidence, and resilience in your child.

The Power of Yes

Saying “yes” doesn’t mean giving in to every whim or desire. Instead, it’s about choosing moments where your child can explore their world with freedom.

Whether it’s allowing them to choose their outfit for the day or letting them plan a family outing, these small moments of empowerment build self-esteem.

Building Confidence Through Freedom

Children thrive when they feel trusted. By saying “yes” to reasonable requests, you’re telling your child that you believe in their ability to make decisions.

This trust translates into confidence as they learn to navigate their choices, understanding the consequences and rewards that come with them.

Creating Safe Boundaries

While saying “yes” is powerful, it’s crucial to establish safe boundaries. These boundaries ensure that your child’s freedom doesn’t lead to harm.

For example, you might say, “Yes, you can play outside, but stay where I can see you.” This approach allows freedom within a safe framework, giving your child the space to grow while keeping them protected.

Encouraging Problem-Solving Skills

When you allow your child to make decisions, you’re also teaching them to solve problems. They learn to think critically about their choices, weighing options, and considering outcomes. This skill is invaluable, as it prepares them for real-world challenges.

The Lasting Impact

The simple act of saying “yes” more often can have a profound impact on your child’s development. It’s a way to show trust, build confidence, and encourage independence.

So next time your child asks for something, consider the power of “yes.” It might just be the best answer you give all day.

For more, click HERE to join our WhatsApp channel!

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Lifestyle

Too Late for What? Finding Your Own Pace in a Fast-Paced World

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In today’s fast-paced world, success is no longer just an achievement; it has become a timeline. Many young people feel an invisible pressure to have their lives “figured out” before they turn 30, a stable job, financial independence, a clear career path, and in some cases, even marriage and children. But who set this deadline, and what happens to those who don’t meet it?

For many young adults, especially in urban settings, the pressure begins early. From school systems that prioritise academic excellence to families that celebrate early milestones, success is often framed as something that must be achieved quickly. Social media adds a layer of curated lifestyles of young entrepreneurs, influencers, and professionals who live what appears to be a perfect life. The comparison is constant and, for some, overwhelming.

Reality, however, is far less linear. Not everyone follows the same path. Some individuals take time to discover their passions, switch careers, or face setbacks that delay their progress. Yet, rather than being seen as part of growth, these delays are often viewed as failures. This perception can lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, and, in some cases, burnout as young people push themselves to meet expectations.

Parents play a significant role in shaping this narrative. While many have good intentions, wanting their children to succeed and be secure, the way success is communicated can sometimes add pressure. Saying things like “you need to be settled by now” or “your age mates are already ahead” can unintentionally create a sense of inadequacy. Instead of motivation, such statements may lead to fear-driven achievement.

Also Read: Parenting Progress for a Thoughtful Generation

It is also important to question what success truly means. For some, it is financial stability. For others, it may be personal fulfilment, career growth, or the ability to live independently. By narrowing success to a fixed timeline, society risks ignoring the diversity of individual journeys. A 28-year-old still exploring career options is not necessarily behind; they may be in a different phase of discovery.

Mental health is another critical factor often overlooked in this race. The pressure to be successful before 30 can lead to constant stress and comparison, making young people feel like they are always falling short. In extreme cases, this pressure can lead to depression or a sense of hopelessness, especially when achievements don’t come as quickly as expected.

So, what can parents and society do differently?

First, there is a need to define success beyond age. Success should be measured by growth, effort, and resilience, not just milestones achieved by a certain birthday. Encouragement should focus on progress rather than comparison. A child who is still figuring things out at 27 should be supported, not judged.

Second, open conversations are key. Parents should create safe spaces where children can talk about their struggles without fear of criticism. Understanding that life is not a straight path allows for more empathy and guidance rather than pressure.

Lastly, society must embrace the idea that everyone’s journey is different. Some people bloom early, others are late bloomers, and both are valid. Success is not a race with a fixed finish line, but a journey with many different routes.

Turning 30 should not feel like a deadline for achievement, but rather a checkpoint, a moment to reflect, grow, and continue building a meaningful life, not rushed.

Also Read: Raising children to be successful adults

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