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PAIN! The curse of suffering?

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When was the last time you felt pain? Any kind of pain – the piercing sting of a verbal insult, the cruel intensity of a paper cut, the pounding throb of a migraine, the persistent agony of a chronic disease, or the devastating loss of a loved one. What did it feel like? Where did you feel it? How long did it last?

Was it irritating but bearable, or so excruciating as to draw tears, prompt prayers or render you hospitalized? My apologies for the sullen tone and for quite possibly dulling your mood. I write this with an icepack wrapped around my jaw, dosed in aspirin, releasing an occasional moan of despair. My pain, on this very occasion, happens to be the very lovely sensations of a toothache. Not an ordinary toothache, mind you, but the vengeful pain of dormant wisdom teeth violently erupting. A toothache that could, rather should, have been averted years ago, if only I’d swallowed my fear and actually listened to my dentist (who apparently does know what he was talking about).

When I’m able to look beyond the ominous clouds of selfpity it’s clear that my body is trying to send me a message, and doing so in a manner that would be difficult for me to ignore. Well, my dearest jaw, gums and teeth, congratulations; you’ve got my attention. And while I appreciate the reminder to finally get rid of my wisdom teeth, I must ask – did you have to be so…painful?

A world without pain sure does sound idyllic. And in fact sometime this century a pain-free existence may, scientifically, be possible.

That pain is a blessing, a genius evolutionary phenomenon, is oft forgotten. That there is a difference between pain and suffering is also oft not mentioned. Why would Mother Nature go out of her way and create an elaborate system that takes so much energy and zest of life out of us? So burdensome that many of us spend the major part of our lives doing everything we can to avoid setting the mechanism in motion, even if our attempts at avoidance only lead us towards much more pain and suffering.

Let’s try breaking things down into digestible nuggets of information. Pain can be defined as the uncomfortable sensation(s) we experience when we encounter a harmful stimulus, or according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary: ‘a basic bodily sensation induced by a noxious stimulus, received by naked nerve endings, characterized by physical discomfort (as pricking, throbbing, or aching), and typically leading to evasive action’. But the signal of pain is quite unique from the perception of pain.

The signaling of pain involves pain neurons, called nociceptors, the spinal cord and our brains. In summary, our nociceptors send a message that travels up the spine, via sensory nerves, reaches the thalamus in our brains (our sensory perception and motor function HQ), which then relays the original signal to different parts of the brain to decode the message, i.e. to perceive the pain. All of which occurs within a fraction of a second.

To further ensure that the ‘decoding’ of the message doesn’t slow us down, unnecessarily extending our encounter with the harmful stimuli, our spinal cords have the ability to make basic decisions, called reflexes, on its own. Think about how you will instantaneously drop an excessively hot pot before you even feel a burning sensation – that is your spinal cord serving its role as your super speedy and effective, but limited, middle management.

Hence, at its simplest, pain is an evolved defense mechanism that alerts us to injury, allows us to protect our fragile bodies and not damage ourselves any further, which we, as clumsy, fragile humans, are tragically prone to doing. And it works, extremely efficiently, mind you. Our ‘pain reflex’ is a response that saves our lives over and over and over again. While the signaling of pain is a relatively easy concept to understand, the perception of pain is an entirely different creature.

When the pain signals reach the thalamus there are multiple ways for it to be decoded, understood and expressed. For example, part of the brain is responsible for figuring out where the pain came from, and how it compares to other kinds of pain. Did your little puppy ‘Fido’ just nip your ankle, or was it the vicious monsterdog your horrible neighbors carelessly allow to run wild? Another part of the brain (actually the aforementioned thalamus) facilitates an emotional response – should you feel furious or merely irritated? Does the ‘pain’ warrant a gut-wrenching cry of terror?

Is it worthy of instigating the water works? What your brain understands and decides upon winds up being your subjective experience of the pain itself. So really, the pain isn’t truly coming from your bitten ankle but from your brain’s understanding of the signals received from the triggered nerve cells in your ankle. Got it? We may think that our brains are very reasonable and justified when deciding how to perceive ‘pain’, but unfortunately this is not the case. Though marvelously powerful machines, our brains don’t always work to our own advantage. Our brains are perpetually biased, they have issues, the wires inside often get all tangled up (not to mention our propensity for brain farts). Our individual sensations of pain are influenced by our mood, past experiences and expectations.

If you’ve had a traumatic childhood experience with a dog, as an adult a little nip on your ankle from a puppy may trigger memories of your past trauma, and hence feel much more pain than it should feel. After all, a stubbed toe after a long, frustrating day at work feels entirely different from one experienced while playing with your kids, doesn’t it? While you may barely feel the later, the former is likely to inspire a range of colorful curse words.

For us the sensation of pain is synonymous with the emotion of pain, yet in reality they are two separate things. Our experience of pain is influenced by our transient emotions just as much as it influences them. Researchers have shown that when subjects were made to feel anxious or depressed, their pain tolerance dropped; despite the fact that their nociceptors were sending out the same signal, their brains translated this signal into more suffering. On the other hand other studies show that subjects are willing to endure more pain when they’re motivated by money which, though hardly surprising, demonstrates how pain perception can be influenced by whether or not we have a reason to endure the pain.

Add to this the hugely influential, very unpleasant, and often maladaptive, emotion that is fear. Now not only do we fear feeling pain, and do our best to avoid it, but we also try to avoid the painful feeling of fear itself. Yes, we are essentially creating an emotional experience to protect us from the one we’d rather avoid, only to end up scrambling in distress to avoid both our creation (fear) and the potential threat (pain). Pain combined with the fear of pain introduces the glory of suffering. And boy, aren’t we, as a species, attached to suffering.

If you put someone, against their will, in an uncomfortable situation their cortisol (the stress hormone) levels rise, prompting the experience of anxiety and dread. But if you take the same person, and they voluntarily go into the same situation, their cortisol levels don’t spike as drastically, that is if they rise at all. In other words, accepting or merely refraining from avoiding pain/discomfort, can radically shift our experience of it.

So what does this all mean? Did Mother Nature bless us with the life saving sensation of pain, while we invented the curse of suffering? Or perhaps suffering is an evolutionary development, but what purpose does it serve? And if human beings are, and have been since the beginning of our existence, fully equipped with the tools to eliminate our own personal suffering then why do we hang onto it with such fervor?

I don’t have the answers to these questions, but the more I think about it the less relevant they appear to be. If anything, understanding the mechanics of pain has helped create some distance between myself and the throbbing toothache I’ve been experiencing. I was angry at my jaw for making me cry, but now I’m grateful for the reminder to do what I should have done eons ago. And though it still hurts, a lot, it is now less menacing and fear inducing (I’m no longer ruminating over thoughts of how my teeth might all fall out and I’d have to get used to a life with dentures).

But who am I to talk? My, likely brief, experience of oral discomfort pales in comparison to the pain I’ve witnessed others go through lately, or that which many of you might currently be in the midst of experiencing. Which brings us to another paradox of pain – the soothing universality of pain is negated by the complete isolation of experiencing pain. We all know what it’s like to feel pain, be it physical or emotional, but no one on earth can experience our individual pain.

While we can’t experience other’s subjective pain we’ve been blessed with yet another genius phenomena – empathy. That is, the ability to recognize, identify with and understand the emotions experienced by another being. So not only are we burdened by our own pain and suffering but we have to deal with other’s pain too? Sheesh, Mother Nature sure was determined to make life utterly complex for us. Or was she? Stay tuned for more thoughts on the experience of pain, the evolution of empathy and how to balance a life free of suffering but rich in compassion coming up next month.

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

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While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

Published

on

While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Endometriosis and sex: How to make intimacy pain-free

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There is no doubt that endometriosis can affect a woman’s way of life. The condition slews a couple of conditions, painful sex being one of them. Penetration pulls and pushes any tissue growth behind the vagina and lower uterus.

Although symptoms may differ from woman to woman, here are some things you can do to lessen your pain and ensure you have some good time:

Take a dose of painkillers

Take an over the counter painkiller that sits well with your body before intercourse and incase pain persists, take another one as prescribed.

Track your cycle and try at certain times of the month

Most women with endometriosis experience excruciating pain during their period and ovulation. Keep track of your cycle so that you can know when you are ovulating. You can use apps like my calendar and flo period tracker to track your periods. This will help you know when best to engage in sexual intercourse.

READ ALSO: Crucial Facts About Endometriosis Everyone Should Know About

Use lube

Vaginal dryness is not something to be ashamed of and if you happen to have it, lube should be your best buddy. Make sure to use any silicon or water based lubricant anytime you feel like your vagina is dry. Ensure the application is of good amount to achieve a wet area.

Explore alternatives

Talk with your partner about things that turn you on and bring you pleasure. Just to mention a few; mutual masturbation, foreplay, kissing and mutual fondling. Sex does not have to mean intercourse.

Try different positions

Experimenting different positions can teach you and your partner which ones hurt and the ones that bring direct pleasure with no or less pain. Positions that are considered better vary from person to person so take the time to explore and learn yourself with your partner.

Find the right rhythm

Finding the right rhythm can help you experience less discomfort during sex. Quick thrusting or deep penetration can aggravate pain. Talk to your partner about that which you do not like and find ways that will satisfy the both of you like exchanging positions so that you can control the speed and rhythm.

Bottom line

Intimacy does not have to be boring, painful or make you hate the condition that you have. Talk openly about your feelings around sex and penetration and what would help to ease your concerns.

Our FREE  e-paper March Issue is here!
As we celebrate our women this month, we bring you the best stories and the most inspiring features to get you going.
Click HERE to read!

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