Ladies who are not looking for marriage are stumbling into it and those who are desperate for it cannot find it. Some tend to attach fear, religious differences, money stability to the ‘he is not the one’ list.
Do not get me wrong; a little fear or doubt goes a long way and is necessary but it is also good to take a leap of faith on things, and on people and try the ride even if it will be a roller-coaster.
While there could be a number of valid reasons, sometimes delayed marriages occur because during their early stages of a lady’s adult life she had many suitors lining up and probably forgot that people will move on if there’s no light at the end of the tunnel.
Generally speaking, society divides women’s adult lives into four distinct phases as follows, which could explain this phenomenon.
Phase 1(19-22)
This is the period where girls just want to have fun. When a man asks her out, she comes along with three of her roommates and wonders why he was frowning throughout the evening. She shares almost all her mischief with her friends and they have a good laugh over it. At this stage of their lives, girls see men as playthings. Any suggestion of a serious relationship is dismissed with the contempt reserved for fun spoilers.
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Phase 2(23-28)
In this period, girls still want to have fun but not just fun. When want to have fun with a purpose. They are looking to grow in love and get married. At this stage, her ideal man is no longer a set of qualities she wants, but a workmate, a church mate, a gym mate. In other words, someone within. She knows him and sees him frequently. As she gets dangerously close to 28,she widens her net. Then she starts bidding. Her open bidding process lasts a year without a single bid, then reality hits. She looks back at all the bidders she threw out without consideration and none of them looks back. In fact, most of them are probably happily married or inviting her to their wedding committee meeting.
Phase 3(age 29-33)
She is now 29 years old which means 30 is just 365 or 366 days away. As the days go by, she forgets that marriage involves two people. She tries to take the bull by the horns, so to speak. Now she can only date ‘serious’ people and this creates two discernible dangers for her;
1)Her definition of a serious man is one who is willing to have the second date at her parents home and the third at their reception. Any man who can be rushed like that is either very old or is a conman.
2)At this stage, a girl has lost the ability to fall in love; all she wants is to fall in marriage. Men notice this attitude from a distance and take off.
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Phase 4(age 33+)
When the prospect of marriage seems to be vanishing with the horizon, it’s time to look for any prospective man. He must be responsible and good looks are an added advantage. From where I’m standing, girls who end up in stable marriages are those that use their open time wisely and know for sure what they want in a man and what they are willing to compromise on, but many tend to abuse their open time dreaming about the ideal man.
Bottom line, life happens and most of the time, not as we would want.However, it is good to embrace it as it comes and not use that as an excuse not to move past the stumbling block. Plan your life, enjoy every phase but remember to live accordingly.
Feature photo:unsplash
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