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Is your child being bullied?

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By Waturi Nguyo

A 15-year-old South African secondary student committed suicide after a video, showing her schoolmates assaulting her as other students cheered went viral. Prior to the incident, the deceased had blocked her attackers from her social media accounts after they sent her threatening messages. The sad incident brought to light the magnitude of the effects of bullying.

Unfortunately, most parents cannot tell when their child is being bullied and their children simply don’t tell them. Yet every parent would wish to know the first instance it happens, how to prevent it, stop it or stop its dire consequences.

Here at home, research has established that between 63 and 83% of students in Kenyan secondary schools have experienced at least one form of bullying.

READ ALSO: Helpful tips for dealing with cyberbullying

How can you tell that your child is being bullied?

Missing or Damaged Items
Students in Kenyan secondary schools, especially those in lower forms, often have their items taken or damaged by their older colleagues. Therefore, be on the lookout for a torn school sweater or a lost mathematical set. These could be telltale signs of bullying.

Playing Truant
Sometimes your child may come home without any explanation or permission from the school’s management. While it’s easy to dismiss truancy as indiscipline, sometimes your child is trying to run away from a hostile environment in school.

Aloofness
Some children may prefer to stay alone in their rooms during the school holidays even when the whole family is doing something together. Such behavior can be a sign of depression which is often a consequence of bullying. Seek to find out, in a friendly manner, why your child wants to stay isolated.

Suspicious behavior on their phones
In the age of social media, almost every secondary student has access either to a smartphone or a computer with internet access. While teens can be good at hiding what they do online, you should be alert for any unusual behavior. For instance, a child that is being bullied may become sullen every time they use their phones or may avoid using their phones altogether.

Rampant Indiscipline
Sometimes, the warning signs of bullying are in the many suspension letters and indiscipline summonses you keep receiving from your child’s school. Some children misbehave in an effort to get respect from their bullies while others become bullies after prolonged periods of being bullied.

Reluctance of going back to school
Some students may laze around when its time to go back to school or outright refuse to go back. Other children may feign sickness to avoid going back to school. Occasionally, these may be disciplinary issues but other times, it could be because there is a problem at school.

Poor performance
Bullying affects a child’s concentration and willingness to stay in school which then affects their performance. If you notice that a child that has been performing well in school starts failing, it’s time to pay closer attention to their environment in school.

 

When you can’t be with your child: 7 tips for long-distance parenting
Various factors such as work, divorce, and most recently, the cessation of movement following the Covid-19 pandemic, necessitate long distance parenting. Parenting in a normal set-up is hard, physical distance only makes it harder.

 

How to help

Bullying has been shown to affect a child’s self-esteem, cause depression and in extreme cases result to suicide. If you suspect that your child is being bullied, there are certain measures you can take.

Take a deep breath
Bullying is a painful experience that can elicit all kinds of emotions. However, acting out of emotions may be counterproductive. Therefore, relax and avoid over-reacting. You are more likely to make a wise decision when you are relaxed and your child is likely to open up if you do not throw a tantrum.

Teach your child how to stand up for themselves
While it is tempting to match into your child’s school and give the bully a beating of their lives, this won’t help your child. Instead teach them to stand tall in the presence of their bullies. Sometimes, it is as easy as telling the bully to stop what they are doing.  However, discourage your child from engaging the bully either verbally or physically.

Create a safe space for your child to express themselves
The worst thing you can do when your child is being bullied is belittle the situation or blame them for being bullied. Doing so will only make your child withdraw to themselves and hide thing s from you. Therefore, try as much as possible to show your children that you care and sympathize with them and that they can trust you.

Get your child a transfer
Sometimes, when the situation is serious and everything else has failed, it is better to move your child to a different environment away from their bullies. That transfer may look like a nuisance but it could save your child’s life.

Cases of bullying are higher in boarding schools due to the absence of round-the-clock adult supervision. That your child is away for most of the year makes it hard to know when they are being bullied. The tips in this article may not be exhaustive or fool proof, but they are worth giving a try.

 

The April Issue of Parents Magazine is here!
This month, we caught up with Beryl Wanga Itindi who is one of the best writers of our times. The mother one gets candid with us on how she has managed to navigate the tough seasons of her life on Cover Story.

 

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Cover Story

The joy of controlled freedom in parenting

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Parenting often revolves around setting boundaries and ensuring children follow rules. While discipline is essential, there is a hidden joy and power in saying “yes” to your child more often. Allowing controlled freedom can be a game-changer in fostering independence, confidence, and resilience in your child.

The Power of Yes

Saying “yes” doesn’t mean giving in to every whim or desire. Instead, it’s about choosing moments where your child can explore their world with freedom.

Whether it’s allowing them to choose their outfit for the day or letting them plan a family outing, these small moments of empowerment build self-esteem.

Building Confidence Through Freedom

Children thrive when they feel trusted. By saying “yes” to reasonable requests, you’re telling your child that you believe in their ability to make decisions.

This trust translates into confidence as they learn to navigate their choices, understanding the consequences and rewards that come with them.

Creating Safe Boundaries

While saying “yes” is powerful, it’s crucial to establish safe boundaries. These boundaries ensure that your child’s freedom doesn’t lead to harm.

For example, you might say, “Yes, you can play outside, but stay where I can see you.” This approach allows freedom within a safe framework, giving your child the space to grow while keeping them protected.

Encouraging Problem-Solving Skills

When you allow your child to make decisions, you’re also teaching them to solve problems. They learn to think critically about their choices, weighing options, and considering outcomes. This skill is invaluable, as it prepares them for real-world challenges.

The Lasting Impact

The simple act of saying “yes” more often can have a profound impact on your child’s development. It’s a way to show trust, build confidence, and encourage independence.

So next time your child asks for something, consider the power of “yes.” It might just be the best answer you give all day.

For more, click HERE to join our WhatsApp channel!

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Cover Story

The joy of controlled freedom in parenting

Published

on

Parenting often revolves around setting boundaries and ensuring children follow rules. While discipline is essential, there is a hidden joy and power in saying “yes” to your child more often. Allowing controlled freedom can be a game-changer in fostering independence, confidence, and resilience in your child.

The Power of Yes

Saying “yes” doesn’t mean giving in to every whim or desire. Instead, it’s about choosing moments where your child can explore their world with freedom.

Whether it’s allowing them to choose their outfit for the day or letting them plan a family outing, these small moments of empowerment build self-esteem.

Building Confidence Through Freedom

Children thrive when they feel trusted. By saying “yes” to reasonable requests, you’re telling your child that you believe in their ability to make decisions.

This trust translates into confidence as they learn to navigate their choices, understanding the consequences and rewards that come with them.

Creating Safe Boundaries

While saying “yes” is powerful, it’s crucial to establish safe boundaries. These boundaries ensure that your child’s freedom doesn’t lead to harm.

For example, you might say, “Yes, you can play outside, but stay where I can see you.” This approach allows freedom within a safe framework, giving your child the space to grow while keeping them protected.

Encouraging Problem-Solving Skills

When you allow your child to make decisions, you’re also teaching them to solve problems. They learn to think critically about their choices, weighing options, and considering outcomes. This skill is invaluable, as it prepares them for real-world challenges.

The Lasting Impact

The simple act of saying “yes” more often can have a profound impact on your child’s development. It’s a way to show trust, build confidence, and encourage independence.

So next time your child asks for something, consider the power of “yes.” It might just be the best answer you give all day.

For more, click HERE to join our WhatsApp channel!

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Lifestyle

Too Late for What? Finding Your Own Pace in a Fast-Paced World

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In today’s fast-paced world, success is no longer just an achievement; it has become a timeline. Many young people feel an invisible pressure to have their lives “figured out” before they turn 30, a stable job, financial independence, a clear career path, and in some cases, even marriage and children. But who set this deadline, and what happens to those who don’t meet it?

For many young adults, especially in urban settings, the pressure begins early. From school systems that prioritise academic excellence to families that celebrate early milestones, success is often framed as something that must be achieved quickly. Social media adds a layer of curated lifestyles of young entrepreneurs, influencers, and professionals who live what appears to be a perfect life. The comparison is constant and, for some, overwhelming.

Reality, however, is far less linear. Not everyone follows the same path. Some individuals take time to discover their passions, switch careers, or face setbacks that delay their progress. Yet, rather than being seen as part of growth, these delays are often viewed as failures. This perception can lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, and, in some cases, burnout as young people push themselves to meet expectations.

Parents play a significant role in shaping this narrative. While many have good intentions, wanting their children to succeed and be secure, the way success is communicated can sometimes add pressure. Saying things like “you need to be settled by now” or “your age mates are already ahead” can unintentionally create a sense of inadequacy. Instead of motivation, such statements may lead to fear-driven achievement.

Also Read: Parenting Progress for a Thoughtful Generation

It is also important to question what success truly means. For some, it is financial stability. For others, it may be personal fulfilment, career growth, or the ability to live independently. By narrowing success to a fixed timeline, society risks ignoring the diversity of individual journeys. A 28-year-old still exploring career options is not necessarily behind; they may be in a different phase of discovery.

Mental health is another critical factor often overlooked in this race. The pressure to be successful before 30 can lead to constant stress and comparison, making young people feel like they are always falling short. In extreme cases, this pressure can lead to depression or a sense of hopelessness, especially when achievements don’t come as quickly as expected.

So, what can parents and society do differently?

First, there is a need to define success beyond age. Success should be measured by growth, effort, and resilience, not just milestones achieved by a certain birthday. Encouragement should focus on progress rather than comparison. A child who is still figuring things out at 27 should be supported, not judged.

Second, open conversations are key. Parents should create safe spaces where children can talk about their struggles without fear of criticism. Understanding that life is not a straight path allows for more empathy and guidance rather than pressure.

Lastly, society must embrace the idea that everyone’s journey is different. Some people bloom early, others are late bloomers, and both are valid. Success is not a race with a fixed finish line, but a journey with many different routes.

Turning 30 should not feel like a deadline for achievement, but rather a checkpoint, a moment to reflect, grow, and continue building a meaningful life, not rushed.

Also Read: Raising children to be successful adults

For more, click HERE to join our WhatsApp channel!

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