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Is Co-parenting With Your Ex Easier Than Staying Married? Real Parents Speak Out

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For many couples, the end of a marriage marks the beginning of an all-new terrain, co-parenting. Sharing parental responsibility after separation can be a nightmare, but it can also be the best decision you will make if you place the child’s or children’s best interest at the centre.

Is co-parenting easier than marriage? Several experts have stated that divorce, in itself, does not necessarily impact children negatively. What hurts kids is how parents conduct themselves after the breakup. It is possible to move on amicably and respectfully, regardless of what led to the divorce.

What makes co-parenting easier than staying married?

When marriage becomes the harder option, and parents go their separate ways, they have to find a way to continue raising their children the best way possible. The reasons for divorce are deeply personal, and most couples have admitted that they are better off apart, citing reasons like constant arguing, emotional distance, resentment, and tension, all of which cause untold damage to the children.

A union that started as loving and promising can break down irretrievably, straining the couple and the children. Unfortunately, staying together for the children has had more severe consequences, hurting the family significantly. In such cases, children are exposed to unnecessary drama and conflict that could scar them permanently.

When the relationship ends, lovers are forced to make the difficult decision of ending the relationship and exploring healthy co-parenting alternatives.

Healthy co-parenting after divorce

Is co-parenting better for kids? While co-parenting may seem like uncharted waters, parents can build a wholesome relationship that works for them and the child. Shared parenting goes beyond raising children in two households. It’s about instilling values and virtues that help your child, which is why both parents must be intentional in moulding their child. Here is what you should know as you take on the co-parenting journey:

What happened in your relationship does not matter

The past belongs there, and both parties must work towards healing for the sake of their child. Unhealed individuals spew hate and bitterness, yet your issues as a couple have nothing to do with your child. Be intentional about your healing and focus on their best interests.

Your ex might move on, be okay with it

As life would have it, your ex-partner might fall in love with someone else and build a home together, which will be your child’s second home. Refrain from making sarcastic comments, especially in the presence of your child; save those for your friends or therapist. The truth is, you are irreplaceable in your child’s life, but you might sabotage the relationship by interfering with your former partner’s current relationship.

Rise above your feelings

No one really prepares you for divorce or its after-effects. You must learn how to relate with your in-laws, accept that you might have lost some friends, or that things did not go as you expected. However, co-parenting requires sobriety to help your child navigate the divorce journey without tainting your ex-partner’s image.

If you need to, get professional help

Divorce causes untold pain for both parties, and you need all the help you to get back on your feet again. While it might be tempting to speak to your child about the other parent, it can cause damage to their mental health. Visit a counsellor for professional help as you navigate this journey, and come up with a co-parenting method that works for both parents and the child.

What makes co-parenting easier?

Some couples have admitted that divorce was the best thing they did for their relationship. There is less friction and reduced conflict, which has helped them live happier and freer lives. Some of the reasons why it’s easier to co-parent than stay in a dysfunctional marriage include:

  1. Better emotional health for the parents and the kids
  2. Clear roles and expectations for both parents
  3. A healthier example for the children
  4. Healthier relationship skills

Real parents’ experiences…

Several celebrities have called their union quits and are successfully co-parenting their children. While it is not a walk in the park, these co-parenting stories are definitely worth learning from. Some of these individuals have moved on to new relationships, while others have kept their love life under wraps.

Kate Actress and Phil Karanja

The former lovers are successfully co-parenting their daughter, Njeri. The details of the arrangement are not public, but both frequently spend time with her, celebrating birthdays and special events together, as evidenced by photos and videos on their profiles.

The late Betty Bayo and Prophet Kanyari

The departed musician and her ex-husband, Prophet Victor Kanyari, parted ways in 2015 but continued to raise their children in a shared parenting agreement. According to online content, the children’s father paid for his children’s school fees and continues to spend time with them.

Bahati and Yvette Obura

Renowned musician Bahati and his ex-baby mama, Yvette Obura, also have an amicable co-parenting arrangement. Their daughter, Mueni, is frequently seen in Bahati’s house and has found a home with her half-siblings and her stepmom, Diana B. Yvette is also in another relationship and the agreement, although not public, seems to be working perfectly for both.

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian

The celebrity couple broke up in 2022 but have been co-parenting their four children. According to online sources, the kids have a healthy relationship with both Kim and Kanye.

Finally…

So, is co-parenting with your ex easier than staying married? Successful co-parenting has proven to be possible if the parents maintain mutual respect, communication and draw clear boundaries. The emotional impact of divorce on children can be heavy,  but with clarity and focusing on the child’s best interests, all parties can come out of it better, stronger, and wiser.

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Cover Story

The joy of controlled freedom in parenting

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Parenting often revolves around setting boundaries and ensuring children follow rules. While discipline is essential, there is a hidden joy and power in saying “yes” to your child more often. Allowing controlled freedom can be a game-changer in fostering independence, confidence, and resilience in your child.

The Power of Yes

Saying “yes” doesn’t mean giving in to every whim or desire. Instead, it’s about choosing moments where your child can explore their world with freedom.

Whether it’s allowing them to choose their outfit for the day or letting them plan a family outing, these small moments of empowerment build self-esteem.

Building Confidence Through Freedom

Children thrive when they feel trusted. By saying “yes” to reasonable requests, you’re telling your child that you believe in their ability to make decisions.

This trust translates into confidence as they learn to navigate their choices, understanding the consequences and rewards that come with them.

Creating Safe Boundaries

While saying “yes” is powerful, it’s crucial to establish safe boundaries. These boundaries ensure that your child’s freedom doesn’t lead to harm.

For example, you might say, “Yes, you can play outside, but stay where I can see you.” This approach allows freedom within a safe framework, giving your child the space to grow while keeping them protected.

Encouraging Problem-Solving Skills

When you allow your child to make decisions, you’re also teaching them to solve problems. They learn to think critically about their choices, weighing options, and considering outcomes. This skill is invaluable, as it prepares them for real-world challenges.

The Lasting Impact

The simple act of saying “yes” more often can have a profound impact on your child’s development. It’s a way to show trust, build confidence, and encourage independence.

So next time your child asks for something, consider the power of “yes.” It might just be the best answer you give all day.

For more, click HERE to join our WhatsApp channel!

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Cover Story

The joy of controlled freedom in parenting

Published

on

Parenting often revolves around setting boundaries and ensuring children follow rules. While discipline is essential, there is a hidden joy and power in saying “yes” to your child more often. Allowing controlled freedom can be a game-changer in fostering independence, confidence, and resilience in your child.

The Power of Yes

Saying “yes” doesn’t mean giving in to every whim or desire. Instead, it’s about choosing moments where your child can explore their world with freedom.

Whether it’s allowing them to choose their outfit for the day or letting them plan a family outing, these small moments of empowerment build self-esteem.

Building Confidence Through Freedom

Children thrive when they feel trusted. By saying “yes” to reasonable requests, you’re telling your child that you believe in their ability to make decisions.

This trust translates into confidence as they learn to navigate their choices, understanding the consequences and rewards that come with them.

Creating Safe Boundaries

While saying “yes” is powerful, it’s crucial to establish safe boundaries. These boundaries ensure that your child’s freedom doesn’t lead to harm.

For example, you might say, “Yes, you can play outside, but stay where I can see you.” This approach allows freedom within a safe framework, giving your child the space to grow while keeping them protected.

Encouraging Problem-Solving Skills

When you allow your child to make decisions, you’re also teaching them to solve problems. They learn to think critically about their choices, weighing options, and considering outcomes. This skill is invaluable, as it prepares them for real-world challenges.

The Lasting Impact

The simple act of saying “yes” more often can have a profound impact on your child’s development. It’s a way to show trust, build confidence, and encourage independence.

So next time your child asks for something, consider the power of “yes.” It might just be the best answer you give all day.

For more, click HERE to join our WhatsApp channel!

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Lifestyle

Too Late for What? Finding Your Own Pace in a Fast-Paced World

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In today’s fast-paced world, success is no longer just an achievement; it has become a timeline. Many young people feel an invisible pressure to have their lives “figured out” before they turn 30, a stable job, financial independence, a clear career path, and in some cases, even marriage and children. But who set this deadline, and what happens to those who don’t meet it?

For many young adults, especially in urban settings, the pressure begins early. From school systems that prioritise academic excellence to families that celebrate early milestones, success is often framed as something that must be achieved quickly. Social media adds a layer of curated lifestyles of young entrepreneurs, influencers, and professionals who live what appears to be a perfect life. The comparison is constant and, for some, overwhelming.

Reality, however, is far less linear. Not everyone follows the same path. Some individuals take time to discover their passions, switch careers, or face setbacks that delay their progress. Yet, rather than being seen as part of growth, these delays are often viewed as failures. This perception can lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, and, in some cases, burnout as young people push themselves to meet expectations.

Parents play a significant role in shaping this narrative. While many have good intentions, wanting their children to succeed and be secure, the way success is communicated can sometimes add pressure. Saying things like “you need to be settled by now” or “your age mates are already ahead” can unintentionally create a sense of inadequacy. Instead of motivation, such statements may lead to fear-driven achievement.

Also Read: Parenting Progress for a Thoughtful Generation

It is also important to question what success truly means. For some, it is financial stability. For others, it may be personal fulfilment, career growth, or the ability to live independently. By narrowing success to a fixed timeline, society risks ignoring the diversity of individual journeys. A 28-year-old still exploring career options is not necessarily behind; they may be in a different phase of discovery.

Mental health is another critical factor often overlooked in this race. The pressure to be successful before 30 can lead to constant stress and comparison, making young people feel like they are always falling short. In extreme cases, this pressure can lead to depression or a sense of hopelessness, especially when achievements don’t come as quickly as expected.

So, what can parents and society do differently?

First, there is a need to define success beyond age. Success should be measured by growth, effort, and resilience, not just milestones achieved by a certain birthday. Encouragement should focus on progress rather than comparison. A child who is still figuring things out at 27 should be supported, not judged.

Second, open conversations are key. Parents should create safe spaces where children can talk about their struggles without fear of criticism. Understanding that life is not a straight path allows for more empathy and guidance rather than pressure.

Lastly, society must embrace the idea that everyone’s journey is different. Some people bloom early, others are late bloomers, and both are valid. Success is not a race with a fixed finish line, but a journey with many different routes.

Turning 30 should not feel like a deadline for achievement, but rather a checkpoint, a moment to reflect, grow, and continue building a meaningful life, not rushed.

Also Read: Raising children to be successful adults

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