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Impostor Mom Syndrome How to overcome parental self-doubt

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Is parenting is just too much! Feeling overwhelmed? Worry not.

Here’s the thing about parenting and life in general – you can go to the best schools and read all the books in the world, but it is not the same as experiencing the real thing. You heard that babies cry a whole lot; you just never thought it would be yours, right? Babies pee and poop a ton and the cycle goes on until they are fully independent.

Basically, it feels like your little one may own your time and life for a long time. A lot of parents, especially women, get shocked by just how ‘unprepared’ they feel once the baby checks in; after all, society expects maternal instincts to kick in instantly, yet this is far from the truth for very many women.

A lot of women secretly harbour feelings of resentment towards their children (then feel guilty and ashamed of it) not knowing that it is perfectly normal to have moments where you cannot stand your children’s presence without eroding your love for them. Just remember to breathe in deeply and then ask for help.

Difficulty in juggling between husband and baby. A family comprises of more than just you and your child. While traditional African society was conservative about the extent to which men would get involved with children (they definitely didn’t change the babies when they pooped), society always made provision for new moms through support from in-laws, relatives and the larger community.

Although in modern-day Africa the family bonds are no longer that strong, most couples are willing to put in their fair share of time to make the transition to parenting easy.

Most hospitals, including public ones, strongly advocate for couples to attend pre-natal clinics jointly, especially the counselling sessions so as to be able to transition into parenting with ‘more ease.’

The reality is, a baby changes the dynamics of all relationships and can drain and strain a couple’s relationship. The faster you realise this as a couple, the easier it will be to transition. Where possible, make sure you have some quality alone time to catch up and unwind. The success of a couple’s relationship lies in each member, not one.

Feelings of inadequacy

This is probably the most common of all impostor mom syndromes. There is an immense amount of pressure for women to get this ‘parenting thing’ down to a T.  Truth be told; generations of women have been winging it while maintaining a straight face. You don’t have to do everything right at every hour.

Take it one day or situation at a time. Experience is the only way to know what works and what does not work. It does help to consult but remember; you know your baby best. So tweak advice according to your situation, unless the baby’s well-being is in danger. There is no shame in admitting you don’t know something and there is no shame in turning down (amicably), advice you know will not serve the interests of your child.

How to help a new mom
Here are ways to make life a bit easier for a new mom:
Offer to babysit so she can rest.
Offer to do chores such as cleaning, laundry and cooking.
Resist the temptation to criticise.
Offer to talk about everything else aside from parenting unless it is what she wants to talk about.
If she can’t go to the spa, then arrange for the spa to come to her! A lot of beauticians are open to making house calls. So go nuts and pamper that new mom!

Published April 2017

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

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While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

Published

on

While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Endometriosis and sex: How to make intimacy pain-free

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There is no doubt that endometriosis can affect a woman’s way of life. The condition slews a couple of conditions, painful sex being one of them. Penetration pulls and pushes any tissue growth behind the vagina and lower uterus.

Although symptoms may differ from woman to woman, here are some things you can do to lessen your pain and ensure you have some good time:

Take a dose of painkillers

Take an over the counter painkiller that sits well with your body before intercourse and incase pain persists, take another one as prescribed.

Track your cycle and try at certain times of the month

Most women with endometriosis experience excruciating pain during their period and ovulation. Keep track of your cycle so that you can know when you are ovulating. You can use apps like my calendar and flo period tracker to track your periods. This will help you know when best to engage in sexual intercourse.

READ ALSO: Crucial Facts About Endometriosis Everyone Should Know About

Use lube

Vaginal dryness is not something to be ashamed of and if you happen to have it, lube should be your best buddy. Make sure to use any silicon or water based lubricant anytime you feel like your vagina is dry. Ensure the application is of good amount to achieve a wet area.

Explore alternatives

Talk with your partner about things that turn you on and bring you pleasure. Just to mention a few; mutual masturbation, foreplay, kissing and mutual fondling. Sex does not have to mean intercourse.

Try different positions

Experimenting different positions can teach you and your partner which ones hurt and the ones that bring direct pleasure with no or less pain. Positions that are considered better vary from person to person so take the time to explore and learn yourself with your partner.

Find the right rhythm

Finding the right rhythm can help you experience less discomfort during sex. Quick thrusting or deep penetration can aggravate pain. Talk to your partner about that which you do not like and find ways that will satisfy the both of you like exchanging positions so that you can control the speed and rhythm.

Bottom line

Intimacy does not have to be boring, painful or make you hate the condition that you have. Talk openly about your feelings around sex and penetration and what would help to ease your concerns.

Our FREE  e-paper March Issue is here!
As we celebrate our women this month, we bring you the best stories and the most inspiring features to get you going.
Click HERE to read!

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