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Helping young children shape their behaviour

Shaping children’s behaviour is a parenting role that should be taken seriously.

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It’s the dream and joy of every parent to have children who are disciplined and achievers in life. Well-behaved children are associated with parents’ efforts in rearing, being role models and providing guidance and support. Through the socialization process, children develop certain types of behaviours as they interact with others within their environment. Friendly relationships and support from families fosters trust in children and lays a strong foundation to trust others, who they freely consult when faced with challenges in their daily life.

Disciplining children helps in developing acceptable behavioors through using different ways. Plans can be developed to encourage the acquisition of new skills incrementally as implementation progresses, and offer varied opportunities to practice learnt skills. Away from socialization, parents play an important role in shaping the behaviours of their children by showing interest in skills introduced and supporting the process.

Parents should provide a conducive environment and different opportunities with adequate resources and ensure the recommended process is followed. When children manifest acceptable behaviours, reinforcement should be done immediately to increase the likely hood of behaviour being repeated. Shaping behaviour can be done by using the following ways:

Develop a reinforcement or reward System

Any attempt and improvement toward desired behaviour should be followed by reinforcement to appreciate the efforts made. Use of praise or recognition immediately and being specific when expected behaviour is manifested, motivates children and teaches them the importance of behaving responsibly. To sustain motivation, a reinforcement or reward system can be established to provide a variety of reinforcements to build achievements progressively. It is important to emphasize training children to be motivated from within self (intrinsic) rather than from others (extrinsic).

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Use attention or ignoring techniques

Children are motivated when parents pay attention and show interest in what they do and have a tendency of checking if they are watching. Showing interest and paying attention when expected behavior is repeated should be immediately reinforced by using a smile, nodding your head or giving positive comments to encourage children to keep repeating until they master it. To ignore unacceptable behaviour when repeated should also be immediately acknowledged by pretending you have not seen it. This makes children realize it was not acceptable and adjusts to what the parent shows interest in.

SEE ALSO: What to do to understand your child better

Provide a rich and friendly environment

Parents have high expectations as children grow and should provide a rich and friendly environment to allow children to learn and exploit their full potential. A plan should be developed with guidelines on how behavioural concerns should be addressed. Parents are role models and influencers who are expected to provide opportunities for children to develop acceptable behaviours according to society. Children encounter challenges within the environment and may manifest behaviours that are not acceptable since they don’t know what to do or how to deal with the challenges. To be able to cope with these challenging situations they should be supported to acquire basic life skills.

Pre -Teaching

Acquisition of any skill requires total involvement and active participation in planned activities. Providing prior experience and exposure to a variety of pre-teaching activities should be emphasized to form a strong foundation for the future development of acceptable behaviours. Explanations of expectations of the behaviour and stipulated guidelines should be done before involving the child to understand the expectations and consequences of their behaviours.

Provide logical consequences

For children to understand what they are expected to do, discussions relating to consequences should be initiated to understand and avoid confusion on expectations of the required behaviour. Consequences for unexpected behaviour manifested should be provided and explained using logical consequences to enable children to understand and have ownership. This acts as a great tool to use for expected behaviour to be manifested and training children to be more responsible.

Conclusion

Shaping children’s behaviour is a parenting role that should be taken seriously. Daily interactions through the socialization process and rearing practices exposed to children early in life, affect children’s development of certain behaviours either positively or negatively which is reflected in adult life. Parents should facilitate the provision of a healthy environment with friendly relationships within families to foster positive growth and development of young children.

The article was written by Dr. Catherine Gichuba, CEO and Lead Consultant at Regional Social Consultants Agency (RESCA)

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Cover Story

The joy of controlled freedom in parenting

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Parenting often revolves around setting boundaries and ensuring children follow rules. While discipline is essential, there is a hidden joy and power in saying “yes” to your child more often. Allowing controlled freedom can be a game-changer in fostering independence, confidence, and resilience in your child.

The Power of Yes

Saying “yes” doesn’t mean giving in to every whim or desire. Instead, it’s about choosing moments where your child can explore their world with freedom.

Whether it’s allowing them to choose their outfit for the day or letting them plan a family outing, these small moments of empowerment build self-esteem.

Building Confidence Through Freedom

Children thrive when they feel trusted. By saying “yes” to reasonable requests, you’re telling your child that you believe in their ability to make decisions.

This trust translates into confidence as they learn to navigate their choices, understanding the consequences and rewards that come with them.

Creating Safe Boundaries

While saying “yes” is powerful, it’s crucial to establish safe boundaries. These boundaries ensure that your child’s freedom doesn’t lead to harm.

For example, you might say, “Yes, you can play outside, but stay where I can see you.” This approach allows freedom within a safe framework, giving your child the space to grow while keeping them protected.

Encouraging Problem-Solving Skills

When you allow your child to make decisions, you’re also teaching them to solve problems. They learn to think critically about their choices, weighing options, and considering outcomes. This skill is invaluable, as it prepares them for real-world challenges.

The Lasting Impact

The simple act of saying “yes” more often can have a profound impact on your child’s development. It’s a way to show trust, build confidence, and encourage independence.

So next time your child asks for something, consider the power of “yes.” It might just be the best answer you give all day.

For more, click HERE to join our WhatsApp channel!

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Cover Story

The joy of controlled freedom in parenting

Published

on

Parenting often revolves around setting boundaries and ensuring children follow rules. While discipline is essential, there is a hidden joy and power in saying “yes” to your child more often. Allowing controlled freedom can be a game-changer in fostering independence, confidence, and resilience in your child.

The Power of Yes

Saying “yes” doesn’t mean giving in to every whim or desire. Instead, it’s about choosing moments where your child can explore their world with freedom.

Whether it’s allowing them to choose their outfit for the day or letting them plan a family outing, these small moments of empowerment build self-esteem.

Building Confidence Through Freedom

Children thrive when they feel trusted. By saying “yes” to reasonable requests, you’re telling your child that you believe in their ability to make decisions.

This trust translates into confidence as they learn to navigate their choices, understanding the consequences and rewards that come with them.

Creating Safe Boundaries

While saying “yes” is powerful, it’s crucial to establish safe boundaries. These boundaries ensure that your child’s freedom doesn’t lead to harm.

For example, you might say, “Yes, you can play outside, but stay where I can see you.” This approach allows freedom within a safe framework, giving your child the space to grow while keeping them protected.

Encouraging Problem-Solving Skills

When you allow your child to make decisions, you’re also teaching them to solve problems. They learn to think critically about their choices, weighing options, and considering outcomes. This skill is invaluable, as it prepares them for real-world challenges.

The Lasting Impact

The simple act of saying “yes” more often can have a profound impact on your child’s development. It’s a way to show trust, build confidence, and encourage independence.

So next time your child asks for something, consider the power of “yes.” It might just be the best answer you give all day.

For more, click HERE to join our WhatsApp channel!

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Lifestyle

Too Late for What? Finding Your Own Pace in a Fast-Paced World

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In today’s fast-paced world, success is no longer just an achievement; it has become a timeline. Many young people feel an invisible pressure to have their lives “figured out” before they turn 30, a stable job, financial independence, a clear career path, and in some cases, even marriage and children. But who set this deadline, and what happens to those who don’t meet it?

For many young adults, especially in urban settings, the pressure begins early. From school systems that prioritise academic excellence to families that celebrate early milestones, success is often framed as something that must be achieved quickly. Social media adds a layer of curated lifestyles of young entrepreneurs, influencers, and professionals who live what appears to be a perfect life. The comparison is constant and, for some, overwhelming.

Reality, however, is far less linear. Not everyone follows the same path. Some individuals take time to discover their passions, switch careers, or face setbacks that delay their progress. Yet, rather than being seen as part of growth, these delays are often viewed as failures. This perception can lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, and, in some cases, burnout as young people push themselves to meet expectations.

Parents play a significant role in shaping this narrative. While many have good intentions, wanting their children to succeed and be secure, the way success is communicated can sometimes add pressure. Saying things like “you need to be settled by now” or “your age mates are already ahead” can unintentionally create a sense of inadequacy. Instead of motivation, such statements may lead to fear-driven achievement.

Also Read: Parenting Progress for a Thoughtful Generation

It is also important to question what success truly means. For some, it is financial stability. For others, it may be personal fulfilment, career growth, or the ability to live independently. By narrowing success to a fixed timeline, society risks ignoring the diversity of individual journeys. A 28-year-old still exploring career options is not necessarily behind; they may be in a different phase of discovery.

Mental health is another critical factor often overlooked in this race. The pressure to be successful before 30 can lead to constant stress and comparison, making young people feel like they are always falling short. In extreme cases, this pressure can lead to depression or a sense of hopelessness, especially when achievements don’t come as quickly as expected.

So, what can parents and society do differently?

First, there is a need to define success beyond age. Success should be measured by growth, effort, and resilience, not just milestones achieved by a certain birthday. Encouragement should focus on progress rather than comparison. A child who is still figuring things out at 27 should be supported, not judged.

Second, open conversations are key. Parents should create safe spaces where children can talk about their struggles without fear of criticism. Understanding that life is not a straight path allows for more empathy and guidance rather than pressure.

Lastly, society must embrace the idea that everyone’s journey is different. Some people bloom early, others are late bloomers, and both are valid. Success is not a race with a fixed finish line, but a journey with many different routes.

Turning 30 should not feel like a deadline for achievement, but rather a checkpoint, a moment to reflect, grow, and continue building a meaningful life, not rushed.

Also Read: Raising children to be successful adults

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