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Help! What do you do when your teenager falls pregnant?

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By Waturi Nguyo

At the height of the Covid-19 crisis in 2020, the Kenya media was awash with reports of alarmingly high teenage pregnancy cases, much to the chagrin of parents. Statistics show that in Nairobi alone 11, 795 cases of teenage pregnancies were reported between January and May 2020. The number only accounts for cases reported to health facilities. The implication, therefore, is that the number could be higher. Teenage pregnancy is becoming a harsh reality of our times. This reality then begs the question; how do you deal with a pregnant teen as a parent?

Keep your anger in check

As a parent you probably have high hopes for your children. Finding out that your teenager is pregnant can be devastating news, not only because we imagine that their future is doomed, but also because of the health risks involved. Research has shown that teenagers have a high risk of dying from pregnancy-related complications, compared to older women. It is therefore understandable when your emotions run amok. At such a time it is very easy to start displaying some of the traits of toxic parenting. Nevertheless, your child is also going through a new experience and they need you the most. The best thing to do is to keep your emotions out of the way and be there for your daughter.

Image courtesy: Plan International

Find someone to talk to

While it is necessary to keep your emotions in check, it is equally important to process your reaction towards the pregnancy and the ensuing feelings. The only way you can be a supportive parent to your child is if you are in a state of mental well-being. Therefore, find someone to talk to about the situation and how it makes you feel; this could be a friend, your religious leader or even a counsellor.

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Support your child

A pregnant person needs a lot of care and support and more so when the woman in question is a teenager. Ensure you provide emotional and psychological support for your child. In cases where the child may be mentally disturbed; for instance, when a pregnancy is as a result of rape, seek the help of a professional. Moreover, support the child financially and ensure that they get the right nutrition during pregnancy. Another way of supporting your child is to ensure that they are enrolled for prenatal care and that they religiously attend all their appointments.

Talk to your other children about sex

One of the most cited reasons for teenage pregnancies is the lack of sex education. Unfortunately, most parents shy away from having the sex talk with their kids often claiming to wait for the right time that never seems to come. There isn’t a right time to talk address this much-dreaded topic. In fact, there are many perfect times that you can talk to your child about sex. Just pick one and empower your child.

Chart a way forward for after the pregnancy

Pregnancy does not mean that your child’s life is over. It is important to keep reminding them that the pregnancy has only delayed their dreams not stopped them altogether. Make a plan to help your child get back to school and keep encouraging them not to lose sight of their dreams.

 

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Encourage the involvement of the father

A child brought up by a single parent is more often thrust into a myriad of psychological issues that may alter the course of their adult life. The role of a father in a child’s life, for example, cannot be emphasized enough. Most girls who grow without a father figure either develop self-esteem issues or have trouble in their relationships; sometimes it is both. It is the role of the parent to encourage their daughter, where possible, to embrace and involve the father of the child in bringing up the child.

The responsibility does not rest on the parents of the girl alone, parents of a teenage boy with a baby on the way should teach him how to be responsible, and tell him what he should expect, what is expected of him and most importantly, encourage them to be part of their child’s life.

 

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Final Thoughts

Approximately 317,000 abortions occur in Kenya every year.  Half of these abortions occur in women aged between 14 and 24. Sadly, 2600 lives are lost every year due to complications related to abortion. How you receive the news of your child’s pregnancy could be the only thing that keeps your child from a filthy operating table in a backstreet clinic trying to procure an abortion. While news of a teenage pregnancy can be distressful, once you taking it in stride reduces the magnitude of the problem.

Featured image: World Vision International

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Cover Story

The joy of controlled freedom in parenting

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Parenting often revolves around setting boundaries and ensuring children follow rules. While discipline is essential, there is a hidden joy and power in saying “yes” to your child more often. Allowing controlled freedom can be a game-changer in fostering independence, confidence, and resilience in your child.

The Power of Yes

Saying “yes” doesn’t mean giving in to every whim or desire. Instead, it’s about choosing moments where your child can explore their world with freedom.

Whether it’s allowing them to choose their outfit for the day or letting them plan a family outing, these small moments of empowerment build self-esteem.

Building Confidence Through Freedom

Children thrive when they feel trusted. By saying “yes” to reasonable requests, you’re telling your child that you believe in their ability to make decisions.

This trust translates into confidence as they learn to navigate their choices, understanding the consequences and rewards that come with them.

Creating Safe Boundaries

While saying “yes” is powerful, it’s crucial to establish safe boundaries. These boundaries ensure that your child’s freedom doesn’t lead to harm.

For example, you might say, “Yes, you can play outside, but stay where I can see you.” This approach allows freedom within a safe framework, giving your child the space to grow while keeping them protected.

Encouraging Problem-Solving Skills

When you allow your child to make decisions, you’re also teaching them to solve problems. They learn to think critically about their choices, weighing options, and considering outcomes. This skill is invaluable, as it prepares them for real-world challenges.

The Lasting Impact

The simple act of saying “yes” more often can have a profound impact on your child’s development. It’s a way to show trust, build confidence, and encourage independence.

So next time your child asks for something, consider the power of “yes.” It might just be the best answer you give all day.

For more, click HERE to join our WhatsApp channel!

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Cover Story

The joy of controlled freedom in parenting

Published

on

Parenting often revolves around setting boundaries and ensuring children follow rules. While discipline is essential, there is a hidden joy and power in saying “yes” to your child more often. Allowing controlled freedom can be a game-changer in fostering independence, confidence, and resilience in your child.

The Power of Yes

Saying “yes” doesn’t mean giving in to every whim or desire. Instead, it’s about choosing moments where your child can explore their world with freedom.

Whether it’s allowing them to choose their outfit for the day or letting them plan a family outing, these small moments of empowerment build self-esteem.

Building Confidence Through Freedom

Children thrive when they feel trusted. By saying “yes” to reasonable requests, you’re telling your child that you believe in their ability to make decisions.

This trust translates into confidence as they learn to navigate their choices, understanding the consequences and rewards that come with them.

Creating Safe Boundaries

While saying “yes” is powerful, it’s crucial to establish safe boundaries. These boundaries ensure that your child’s freedom doesn’t lead to harm.

For example, you might say, “Yes, you can play outside, but stay where I can see you.” This approach allows freedom within a safe framework, giving your child the space to grow while keeping them protected.

Encouraging Problem-Solving Skills

When you allow your child to make decisions, you’re also teaching them to solve problems. They learn to think critically about their choices, weighing options, and considering outcomes. This skill is invaluable, as it prepares them for real-world challenges.

The Lasting Impact

The simple act of saying “yes” more often can have a profound impact on your child’s development. It’s a way to show trust, build confidence, and encourage independence.

So next time your child asks for something, consider the power of “yes.” It might just be the best answer you give all day.

For more, click HERE to join our WhatsApp channel!

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Lifestyle

Too Late for What? Finding Your Own Pace in a Fast-Paced World

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In today’s fast-paced world, success is no longer just an achievement; it has become a timeline. Many young people feel an invisible pressure to have their lives “figured out” before they turn 30, a stable job, financial independence, a clear career path, and in some cases, even marriage and children. But who set this deadline, and what happens to those who don’t meet it?

For many young adults, especially in urban settings, the pressure begins early. From school systems that prioritise academic excellence to families that celebrate early milestones, success is often framed as something that must be achieved quickly. Social media adds a layer of curated lifestyles of young entrepreneurs, influencers, and professionals who live what appears to be a perfect life. The comparison is constant and, for some, overwhelming.

Reality, however, is far less linear. Not everyone follows the same path. Some individuals take time to discover their passions, switch careers, or face setbacks that delay their progress. Yet, rather than being seen as part of growth, these delays are often viewed as failures. This perception can lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, and, in some cases, burnout as young people push themselves to meet expectations.

Parents play a significant role in shaping this narrative. While many have good intentions, wanting their children to succeed and be secure, the way success is communicated can sometimes add pressure. Saying things like “you need to be settled by now” or “your age mates are already ahead” can unintentionally create a sense of inadequacy. Instead of motivation, such statements may lead to fear-driven achievement.

Also Read: Parenting Progress for a Thoughtful Generation

It is also important to question what success truly means. For some, it is financial stability. For others, it may be personal fulfilment, career growth, or the ability to live independently. By narrowing success to a fixed timeline, society risks ignoring the diversity of individual journeys. A 28-year-old still exploring career options is not necessarily behind; they may be in a different phase of discovery.

Mental health is another critical factor often overlooked in this race. The pressure to be successful before 30 can lead to constant stress and comparison, making young people feel like they are always falling short. In extreme cases, this pressure can lead to depression or a sense of hopelessness, especially when achievements don’t come as quickly as expected.

So, what can parents and society do differently?

First, there is a need to define success beyond age. Success should be measured by growth, effort, and resilience, not just milestones achieved by a certain birthday. Encouragement should focus on progress rather than comparison. A child who is still figuring things out at 27 should be supported, not judged.

Second, open conversations are key. Parents should create safe spaces where children can talk about their struggles without fear of criticism. Understanding that life is not a straight path allows for more empathy and guidance rather than pressure.

Lastly, society must embrace the idea that everyone’s journey is different. Some people bloom early, others are late bloomers, and both are valid. Success is not a race with a fixed finish line, but a journey with many different routes.

Turning 30 should not feel like a deadline for achievement, but rather a checkpoint, a moment to reflect, grow, and continue building a meaningful life, not rushed.

Also Read: Raising children to be successful adults

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