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Finding Your Compass: Masculinity Without a Father Figure

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As far as being a man goes, there is no clear definition of it. For some, it’s about being a stoic provider, someone who can grin and bear whatever life throws at them. All this is difficult without a father figure.

For others, being a man is about performance. The bank account, sexual prowess, the idealised man.

Masculinity is like a skill. It takes guidance and apprenticeship. It may look different for many people, but such is the cost of being such a diverse and complex species.

Lacking a father figure

Some lack father figures, either through loss or circumstance. Navigating the vast expanse is jarring. You could choose to move in any direction, but without a compass, it all feels wrong.

The memories are present, burrowed deep somewhere. Children in your peer group brag about their dads. They jeer at one another, mocking, ‘My dad can beat up your dad.’

They didn’t need to ask it, did they? You were already in your head about it: Where’s my dad? Why couldn’t he be around?

Father figure stand-ins

Psychologists suggest that when something is missing in our lives, we tend to compensate for it.

When men lack father figures, football stars, political figures, TV stars, and relatives tend to fill that role. It’s our unconscious attempt at balance. Even for men with fathers, having a role model is a natural milestone.

Breaking the cycle

When it comes to being a man, there’s little guidance. In our own way, we try to make sense of it, from the gym rat culture to male-centred seminars. Everyone has something to offer when it comes to this elusive topic.

It is easy to get sucked into the hyperreal metaverse full of diverse ideas that only echo their own opinions, as opposed to encouraging debate. Whether it’s toxic masculinity or the red pill movement, each man seeks to make sense of it all. There is no right method.

Just like those before us and those to come, intuition is a crucial key to embodying the actions that will continue to define you. You can choose what masculinity means to you.

Grieving what could have been

For whatever reason, either a dispute between parental figures or a tragic loss, our responsibility is to ourselves first. It is as much as we owe it to those we care about whether we choose to bring a life into this world, or we already have. Or if we choose to take on the paternal role in anyone else’s life.

Also Read: How to Heal From Heartbreak

Regardless of knowing a father’s presence or not, we must accept that there is nothing we could have done to change the past. Accept that lacking a father figure hurts as deeply as it does, and we’re allowed to be bitter over it.

Lastly, only after coming to terms with that heavy reality can we begin to accept that we are not our fathers. That by our virtue and the active choices we make each day, we are new men entirely, and future generations will look to us.

Cover Story

Heartbreak as Body of 12-Year-Old Blessed Claire Muthoni Arrives Home from India

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Kenyans are mourning the loss of Blessed Claire Muthoni, a brave 12-year-old girl from Kihuri in Othaya, Nyeri County, who passed away while undergoing specialised cancer treatment in New Delhi. Claire had been fighting stage 4 cancer for over three years.

The aggressive disease took a heavy toll on her young body, eventually leading to the amputation of one of her legs. Despite the pain and the many challenges she faced, Claire remained hopeful and courageous throughout her journey, inspiring many who followed her story.

On January 19, 2026, she travelled to India with her mother in search of advanced treatment aimed at saving her remaining leg and managing the cancer that had spread to her lungs. The journey was filled with hope, supported by Kenyans from all walks of life who contributed towards her treatment and kept her in their prayers.

A brave fight

While in India, Claire underwent several chemotherapy sessions. Unfortunately, her condition worsened after developing complications, leading to her admission to the Intensive Care Unit. She passed away in hospital last week, leaving behind a grieving family and a nation that had stood with her.

On Monday, March 30, 2026, her remains arrived at Jomo Kenyatta International Airport. The atmosphere at the airport was filled with grief as family members, friends and well-wishers gathered to receive her. Her mother returned home alone, carrying a loss no parent should have to endure.

Claire will be laid to rest in her home area of Othaya in the coming days, as her family begins the difficult process of saying their final goodbyes.

Her story touched thousands across the country, many of whom followed her journey through updates and fundraising efforts. She became a symbol of strength and resilience, and her passing has deeply affected those who had hoped to see her recover.

Beyond the grief, her story has once again brought attention to the challenges families face when dealing with childhood cancer in Kenya. The high cost of specialised treatment, limited access to advanced care locally, and the emotional and financial strain on families often force many to seek treatment abroad.

Read our March issue here 

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Cover Story

Heartbreak as Body of 12-Year-Old Blessed Claire Muthoni Arrives Home from India

Published

on

Kenyans are mourning the loss of Blessed Claire Muthoni, a brave 12-year-old girl from Kihuri in Othaya, Nyeri County, who passed away while undergoing specialised cancer treatment in New Delhi. Claire had been fighting stage 4 cancer for over three years.

The aggressive disease took a heavy toll on her young body, eventually leading to the amputation of one of her legs. Despite the pain and the many challenges she faced, Claire remained hopeful and courageous throughout her journey, inspiring many who followed her story.

On January 19, 2026, she travelled to India with her mother in search of advanced treatment aimed at saving her remaining leg and managing the cancer that had spread to her lungs. The journey was filled with hope, supported by Kenyans from all walks of life who contributed towards her treatment and kept her in their prayers.

A brave fight

While in India, Claire underwent several chemotherapy sessions. Unfortunately, her condition worsened after developing complications, leading to her admission to the Intensive Care Unit. She passed away in hospital last week, leaving behind a grieving family and a nation that had stood with her.

On Monday, March 30, 2026, her remains arrived at Jomo Kenyatta International Airport. The atmosphere at the airport was filled with grief as family members, friends and well-wishers gathered to receive her. Her mother returned home alone, carrying a loss no parent should have to endure.

Claire will be laid to rest in her home area of Othaya in the coming days, as her family begins the difficult process of saying their final goodbyes.

Her story touched thousands across the country, many of whom followed her journey through updates and fundraising efforts. She became a symbol of strength and resilience, and her passing has deeply affected those who had hoped to see her recover.

Beyond the grief, her story has once again brought attention to the challenges families face when dealing with childhood cancer in Kenya. The high cost of specialised treatment, limited access to advanced care locally, and the emotional and financial strain on families often force many to seek treatment abroad.

Read our March issue here 

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Shock as Section of Gikomba Shoe Market Demolished Overnight

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Traders at Nairobi’s bustling Gikomba Market are counting heavy losses after a section of the popular shoe market (mitumba shoe section) was demolished overnight by Nairobi City County enforcement teams. The operation took place in the early hours of Tuesday morning.

Videos and photos circulating on social media show destroyed merchandise and devastated traders who arrived at the market this morning to find their businesses in ruins. According to reports, the county government carried out the demolition after an eviction notice lapsed. This happened even though the High Court (Environment and Land Court) had earlier issued and extended conservatory orders in March 2026, halting mass demolitions and evictions at Gikomba and surrounding areas along the Nairobi River.

Repeated demolitions

Demolitions at Gikomba are not new. As far back as 1977, the original market was brought down by the government to pave the way for light industries. In recent years, attention has shifted to the riparian land along the Nairobi River, with authorities proposing to expand the buffer zone from 30 metres to 50 metres in a bid to control flooding.

Many traders have raised concerns over what they describe as poor consultation, shifting relocation plans and the lack of a clear and secure alternative site. There are also growing fears that the process could open the door to land grabbing and cartel involvement.

Impact

For most traders at Gikomba, the market is more than just a place of business. It is their only source of livelihood. Repeated fires and demolitions have created a cycle of uncertainty, financial strain and constant rebuilding. Many small business owners say they struggle to recover after each loss, only to face another setback months later.

Calls for improved fire safety measures, fair relocation plans and meaningful engagement with authorities continue to grow louder. Without long term and sustainable solutions, Gikomba traders will continue to bear the high cost of operating in one of Nairobi’s busiest yet most vulnerable markets.

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