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Don’t be weighed DOWN BY GUILT

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Guilt is a perennial enemy that follows us wherever we go. Most often, guilt is an unavoidable emotion. We all make mistakes and then feel bad and that’s okay as it is human to err. But it is not okay when we don’t know how to move on or make amends when we make mistakes. It is not okay to let guilt rob us of our happiness. We must learn to distinguish between “good” and “bad” guilt in order to deal appropriately with our emotions. Good guilt can be constructive and often conveys an important message, whereas bad guilt makes you feel lousy about yourself, drains your energy and puts a damper on your confidence.

Before I learnt how to cope, I often felt weighed down by guilt especially when I offended someone I cared about. But I have learnt to sit and reflect when emotions of guilt hit me and ask myself whether I am dealing with “good” or “bad” guilt. I hate causing pain to people but there are times you have to make decisions that cause pain to others. It is not easy saying ‘no’ to your children, or letting go of your staff, or severing a long-term friendship, but when it has to be done, it must be done, no matter what. The important thing is learning how to cope with the guilt that may follow. I want to share with you my guilt coping mechanisms and hope you too can adopt them so you don’t live in misery. The first thing I do when guilt comes calling is to ask myself whether my guilt is warranted. “Am I truly at fault in the situation that’s troubling me?” “What evidence is there to support this?” If you are feeling guilty because of something someone said or did, you are allowing that person to control or manipulate you. Values ingrained in your upbringing could also be to blame for your guilt. For example, wanting to please everyone and therefore feeling guilty when you are unable to fulfill a request. If the values you were brought up with no longer reflect your current beliefs, you must move beyond the holdover from your past to find peace in decisions you make. However, if what’s weighing on you is warranted, it’s time to dig deeper and consider what your guilt is trying to tell you. Maybe you are unfair in your decisions. Maybe you don’t give others time to explain themselves before turning them away. Maybe you are arrogant. I always try to look at the hidden message in my guilt feelings.

If you feel guilty because you have messed up or done something to harm someone else, that is good guilt and you must accept it and learn from your actions. Good guilt also arises when you have betrayed your values or ideals. For instance, you might feel guilty because you drank more at the party than you should have done and then behaved badly, which you ought to regret and ensure it does not happen again. Or you treated the guard at the mall with disrespect and this blew off, causing you public ridicule. You may also be ashamed of the cutting remark you made about your friend’s partner because you later realised it hurt her feelings. In fact, that’s what good guilt is all about – a wake-up call to remedy a situation or change your behaviour and become a better person.

The other important thing in handling guilt is taking responsibility for your actions. If you make a mistake, own up to what you have done. It may be handling a break-up badly, making your company lose money for not doing your work, punishing your child unfairly, or even being rude to a waiter for no good reason. After taking responsibility, you must follow it with remedial action. Apologising or explaining why you did what you did can relieve guilt. Leaving the issue alone, as most people do, is not the way to go because it will continue to gnaw at you. When you take responsibility for what you did, people respect you enormously and it’s hard for them to stay mad at you. Plus, you will feel better simply because you have taken action.  Identifying constructive guilt can help you clean up your behaviour and live in a way that’s more in sync with your values. You will feel a lot lighter because guilt does really weigh you down. When guilt strikes, remember you need to get out of there as soon as possible and move on. Don’t continue beating yourself because you failed to make a contribution when your colleague was raising funds for her mum’s medical bill then you went to the mall and bought yourself this expensive pair of shoes. You can still make your contribution and also enjoy your shoes. Make amends as soon as you realise what you did was not right. If your parents are complaining you don’t visit often and they are missing you, stop the guilt and take action. Call them more often so they still feel connected and make an effort to see them as often as your schedule allows. If your friends asked you to go out with them and you didn’t feel like it because you were tired, remind yourself that thinking of your own needs is not selfish. If you make a terrible mistake at work that puts your department in great trouble, don’t let the guilt drive you crazy. The best you can do is apologise and seek ways of making amends.

 

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

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While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

Published

on

While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Endometriosis and sex: How to make intimacy pain-free

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There is no doubt that endometriosis can affect a woman’s way of life. The condition slews a couple of conditions, painful sex being one of them. Penetration pulls and pushes any tissue growth behind the vagina and lower uterus.

Although symptoms may differ from woman to woman, here are some things you can do to lessen your pain and ensure you have some good time:

Take a dose of painkillers

Take an over the counter painkiller that sits well with your body before intercourse and incase pain persists, take another one as prescribed.

Track your cycle and try at certain times of the month

Most women with endometriosis experience excruciating pain during their period and ovulation. Keep track of your cycle so that you can know when you are ovulating. You can use apps like my calendar and flo period tracker to track your periods. This will help you know when best to engage in sexual intercourse.

READ ALSO: Crucial Facts About Endometriosis Everyone Should Know About

Use lube

Vaginal dryness is not something to be ashamed of and if you happen to have it, lube should be your best buddy. Make sure to use any silicon or water based lubricant anytime you feel like your vagina is dry. Ensure the application is of good amount to achieve a wet area.

Explore alternatives

Talk with your partner about things that turn you on and bring you pleasure. Just to mention a few; mutual masturbation, foreplay, kissing and mutual fondling. Sex does not have to mean intercourse.

Try different positions

Experimenting different positions can teach you and your partner which ones hurt and the ones that bring direct pleasure with no or less pain. Positions that are considered better vary from person to person so take the time to explore and learn yourself with your partner.

Find the right rhythm

Finding the right rhythm can help you experience less discomfort during sex. Quick thrusting or deep penetration can aggravate pain. Talk to your partner about that which you do not like and find ways that will satisfy the both of you like exchanging positions so that you can control the speed and rhythm.

Bottom line

Intimacy does not have to be boring, painful or make you hate the condition that you have. Talk openly about your feelings around sex and penetration and what would help to ease your concerns.

Our FREE  e-paper March Issue is here!
As we celebrate our women this month, we bring you the best stories and the most inspiring features to get you going.
Click HERE to read!

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