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DON’T BE RUSHED Singlehood is transitional

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By the time everyone around you is throwing barely concealed hints and suggestions about your single status you know it is a big deal. The pressure to marry coming from older folks is expected, and if you are like me you even have designed ways of fending off the unsolicited advice without sounding offensive. I tell them not to panic. “Slow but sure wins the race” or some other similar cliché are words I commonly use, which then leads to a philosophical discussion about how patience pays and so on and so forth. The next thing you know, time has run out and you have to part ways. I think to myself, I am getting good at this – I should stay single forever just to spite some of them. I chuckle and move on. But it is impossible to fend off the surprising pressure that comes from even my own generation. By now I have a good number of married friends. They range from childhood buddies to contemporaries at university. In fact, many are having their firstborns now so I have learnt to pick gifts for their children when I am invited for those inevitable birthday parties. It would be fun if the buck would stop at my being good old Uncle Matthew, but it doesn’t.

At a recent kids’ birthday bash, a friend whose firstborn daughter was turning one said to me, “You shouldn’t hold off for too long, it would be nice if we moved together.” Call me slow but for a moment there I thought he was mumbling to himself, before what he was talking about finally dawned on me. It turns out that a bachelor like I is not good company for married guys. We remind them too much of themselves, remind them of this thing called freedom – which is not necessarily a nice thing to have by the way. And so their nice wives warn them about us – all of it well intentioned, of course.

The ‘move together’ comment means that since we are of the same age, give or take a few years, we share many similar experiences and are already friends, so why not keep it that way? To the single, it always feels like married buddies are moving on with the times and you are either stagnating or backsliding. And there may be some truth in that because if your contemporaries can no longer hang out with you till the wee hours of the morning playing mortal kombat (video game) or knocking back cans of beer, you will have to find new friends. There is a good chance the new friends will be younger. What would you call that if its not slipping back? My circumstances haven’t gotten that dire and don’t let yours do, either.

Now for some philosophy just so you know (or be reminded) that all is not lost – it is never lost unless of course one dies. For many, singlehood is a transitional state or stage that people will go in and out of until the day they find ‘the one’. They will then say ‘I do’ and everyone will hope they stay together happily, forever after. I do not have any figures to prove but nevertheless believe many people do in fact want to be involved with someone in a relationship that should lead to marriage.

Guys and girls in my shoes if you know that being single is a transitional stage then you also know that soon enough, and when the time is ready, when you find Mr. or Ms. Right – or they find you – you will cross the threshold. But here’s the funny thing – pressure will not end there. For next the people will be asking, “When’s the child coming?” And soon after, “When are you giving your first born a play mate?” Maybe that is what life is about; the next step, what do you think?

 

 

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

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While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

Published

on

While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Endometriosis and sex: How to make intimacy pain-free

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There is no doubt that endometriosis can affect a woman’s way of life. The condition slews a couple of conditions, painful sex being one of them. Penetration pulls and pushes any tissue growth behind the vagina and lower uterus.

Although symptoms may differ from woman to woman, here are some things you can do to lessen your pain and ensure you have some good time:

Take a dose of painkillers

Take an over the counter painkiller that sits well with your body before intercourse and incase pain persists, take another one as prescribed.

Track your cycle and try at certain times of the month

Most women with endometriosis experience excruciating pain during their period and ovulation. Keep track of your cycle so that you can know when you are ovulating. You can use apps like my calendar and flo period tracker to track your periods. This will help you know when best to engage in sexual intercourse.

READ ALSO: Crucial Facts About Endometriosis Everyone Should Know About

Use lube

Vaginal dryness is not something to be ashamed of and if you happen to have it, lube should be your best buddy. Make sure to use any silicon or water based lubricant anytime you feel like your vagina is dry. Ensure the application is of good amount to achieve a wet area.

Explore alternatives

Talk with your partner about things that turn you on and bring you pleasure. Just to mention a few; mutual masturbation, foreplay, kissing and mutual fondling. Sex does not have to mean intercourse.

Try different positions

Experimenting different positions can teach you and your partner which ones hurt and the ones that bring direct pleasure with no or less pain. Positions that are considered better vary from person to person so take the time to explore and learn yourself with your partner.

Find the right rhythm

Finding the right rhythm can help you experience less discomfort during sex. Quick thrusting or deep penetration can aggravate pain. Talk to your partner about that which you do not like and find ways that will satisfy the both of you like exchanging positions so that you can control the speed and rhythm.

Bottom line

Intimacy does not have to be boring, painful or make you hate the condition that you have. Talk openly about your feelings around sex and penetration and what would help to ease your concerns.

Our FREE  e-paper March Issue is here!
As we celebrate our women this month, we bring you the best stories and the most inspiring features to get you going.
Click HERE to read!

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