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Coping with a Break Up

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It hurts when a relationship ends. There will be a lot of tears, pain and heartache involved as you try to make sense of things and let go of the deep attachment you had to the other person. However, it is possible to pick up the pieces, mend your broken heart, move on and also learn to love again.

Relationships

Your relationship is over. Maybe you came to a mutual decision to end things. It could also be that you are the one who decided to end things and are now dealing with guilt and self-doubt. Or you were the person ditched and are dealing with anger and the pain of rejection. Whatever the circumstances of your break up, the fact is that the relationship is over and you need to accept this, first and foremost. But how will you cope with the mishmash of emotions that usually accompanies break ups? How will life without your partner be like? Will you ever find someone else? These and many other questions may run through your head.

Break ups are definitely not easy to cope with but it’s important for you to know (and also keep reminding yourself) that you can and will move on. This may however take some time so you will need to be patient with yourself.

A break up is a loss like any other. You have lost something important to you. You have lost someone you loved and were romantically attached to. You have also lost a relationship you had invested in emotionally and the shared dreams and commitments as well. It is ok to mourn this loss. In fact it is important for you to grieve in order to find closure by letting out the sadness, anger and hurt brought on by the break up.

Cry if you need to. Put your feelings on paper if this is the best way for you. Talk out your feelings with a trusted friend, family member or counsellor. Do not suppress these emotions lest they come back to haunt you later on. Nonetheless, with time, it is necessary that you let go of all this pain, put it behind you and move forward. Otherwise, you will be letting these negative emotions run your life, which may inadvertently lead to depression.

It’s also vital for you to surround yourself with a good support system. Don’t go through the pain and hurt alone. Share your feelings and spend time with your family and close friends. Isolating yourself is dangerous as it can raise your stress levels, reduce your concentration, and get in the way of your work, relationships, and overall health.

Do not hesitate to get outside help if you feel things getting out of control. Also, cultivate new friendships, especially if you seem to have lost most of your social networks with the break up. Get involved somewhere, for instance, in community activities or volunteer at a school, place of worship, or any other community organisation.

It’s easy to let yourself go while going through a break up as all the negative emotions you may be experiencing take up all your energy and zeal. Healthy habits may fall by the wayside during this time. It’s important to take good care of yourself now more than ever, as a break up is a stressful and life-changing event. The strain and upset involved can leave you psychologically and physically vulnerable.

Ensure that you eat well, sleep well and exercise. Schedule time in your day for activities that you find calming such as walks, reading your favourite books, watching movies, listening to music or enjoying a hot bath. Exploring new interests may also be therapeutic as it enables you to focus on different things other than your break up. Avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms such as alcohol, drugs and comfort eating.

Avoid your old flame, if you can, especially in the first few weeks of your break up. This is not a sign of immaturity. Seeing this person when the pain of your break up is still fresh may be detrimental to both of you. You may do or say things that you will both regret in the end. Eventually, it may be inevitable for the two of you to run into each other on the streets or at social events, but for that short while after the break up as you try to make sense of things, choose to avoid places that you’re sure to run into your ex. Also, avoid contact over the phone and even on social networks.

Learn a lesson from your break up. Let it be a time for new growth. Ensure that you fully understand what happened and acknowledge the part you played. How did the choices you made affect the relationship? Be honest with yourself and avoid playing the blame game or acting victim. Emerge from the experience with a greater degree of self-awareness and feeling stronger.

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

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While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

Published

on

While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Endometriosis and sex: How to make intimacy pain-free

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There is no doubt that endometriosis can affect a woman’s way of life. The condition slews a couple of conditions, painful sex being one of them. Penetration pulls and pushes any tissue growth behind the vagina and lower uterus.

Although symptoms may differ from woman to woman, here are some things you can do to lessen your pain and ensure you have some good time:

Take a dose of painkillers

Take an over the counter painkiller that sits well with your body before intercourse and incase pain persists, take another one as prescribed.

Track your cycle and try at certain times of the month

Most women with endometriosis experience excruciating pain during their period and ovulation. Keep track of your cycle so that you can know when you are ovulating. You can use apps like my calendar and flo period tracker to track your periods. This will help you know when best to engage in sexual intercourse.

READ ALSO: Crucial Facts About Endometriosis Everyone Should Know About

Use lube

Vaginal dryness is not something to be ashamed of and if you happen to have it, lube should be your best buddy. Make sure to use any silicon or water based lubricant anytime you feel like your vagina is dry. Ensure the application is of good amount to achieve a wet area.

Explore alternatives

Talk with your partner about things that turn you on and bring you pleasure. Just to mention a few; mutual masturbation, foreplay, kissing and mutual fondling. Sex does not have to mean intercourse.

Try different positions

Experimenting different positions can teach you and your partner which ones hurt and the ones that bring direct pleasure with no or less pain. Positions that are considered better vary from person to person so take the time to explore and learn yourself with your partner.

Find the right rhythm

Finding the right rhythm can help you experience less discomfort during sex. Quick thrusting or deep penetration can aggravate pain. Talk to your partner about that which you do not like and find ways that will satisfy the both of you like exchanging positions so that you can control the speed and rhythm.

Bottom line

Intimacy does not have to be boring, painful or make you hate the condition that you have. Talk openly about your feelings around sex and penetration and what would help to ease your concerns.

Our FREE  e-paper March Issue is here!
As we celebrate our women this month, we bring you the best stories and the most inspiring features to get you going.
Click HERE to read!

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