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Pillars of resilience: when to be engaged

Sometimes our resilience will feel higher or lower than usual, but there are five key pillars that, when strengthened, enable us to be resilient.

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Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity and hardships. It is not something that we are born with or without, it is an ongoing process that individuals can learn, practice, and improve over a while. We all experience stress. The difference is in those who choose to face it head-on and not let it get the best of them. Stressful situations are constant and inevitable just as serious as stressors.

The adverse effect that stress has on emotional and physical health is implicated in a host of ailments such as depression, anxiety, chronic lower respiratory diseases, asthma flare-ups, rheumatoid arthritis, and gastrointestinal problems.

Sometimes our resilience will feel higher or lower than usual, but there are five key pillars that, when strengthened, enable us to be resilient even in the toughest of situations as discussed below.

Being mindful

This is our ability to; be fully present, aware of where we are and what we are doing, not to overly reactive or overwhelmed by what is going on around us. Every time you bring awareness to what you are experiencing through your senses you are practising mindfulness.

When you’re feeling anxious, sluggish, de-motivated, or unhappy it is very hard to remain resilient. Being able to balance your energy even when you’ve got a lot going on is one way to continue pursuing the activities that you love as well as fulfilling your obligations. It’s much easier to reach your personal goals when you know where you’re aiming.

Individual Self-care

Self-care is the practice of individuals looking after their health using the knowledge and information available to maintain or improve health. It is a decision-making process that empowers individuals to look after their health efficiently and conveniently, in collaboration with health and social care professionals. Self-care looks different for everyone and can be practised in different ways.

Self-awareness

Having conscious knowledge of your personality includes strengths, weaknesses, emotions, and motivations. It also allows us to understand how those around us perceive us. From the outside looking in, it can often seem like the most resilient people have no trouble putting on a brave face and shutting out their emotions when required. Yet in reality, resilience comes from being able to accurately recognize processes and regulate our emotions.

Sometimes, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is the most resilient action possible. By working on our self-awareness, we can build the ability to react to external situations in sustainable and mindful ways.

Having positive relationships

A positive relationship means a relationship between two people who support, care for, encourage, and help each other practically as well as emotionally through listening, communicating openly and without judgment, and trusting and respecting each other.

Humans are built to create connections with others. Resilience has a lot to do with building and nurturing those healthy and supportive relationships and leaning on others. Positive relationships do not mean the absence of disagreement but instead trusting others to be there for you.

Being purposeful

It is having a definite aim and a strong desire to achieve something. Our purpose helps to shape our mindset and attitude towards others and events that we experience in our day-to-day lives. Sense of purpose can be harnessed from, different areas such as our faith, loved ones, culture, responsibilities and philosophical beliefs. Being purpose-driven increases resilience and gradually enhances strength and energy when dealing with the ups and downs of life. Finding meaning and learning in our experiences is the best way to push forward and live resiliently.

Conclusion

Resilience is a hard phenomenon to pin down and definitely cannot be quantified. It is multi-faceted and building resilience is a completely different process for everyone. Maintaining the skills for building resilience requires practice.

However, being able to use these five pillars of resilience can reframe our thinking and the world around us in new ways. Taking this holistic approach to resilience will not only help us to manage stress in our daily lives better but can positively impact our overall well-being in a significant way.

The article was written by Dr. Catherine Gichuba, CEO and Lead Consultant at Regional Social Consultants Agency (RESCA).

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The joy of controlled freedom in parenting

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Parenting often revolves around setting boundaries and ensuring children follow rules. While discipline is essential, there is a hidden joy and power in saying “yes” to your child more often. Allowing controlled freedom can be a game-changer in fostering independence, confidence, and resilience in your child.

The Power of Yes

Saying “yes” doesn’t mean giving in to every whim or desire. Instead, it’s about choosing moments where your child can explore their world with freedom.

Whether it’s allowing them to choose their outfit for the day or letting them plan a family outing, these small moments of empowerment build self-esteem.

Building Confidence Through Freedom

Children thrive when they feel trusted. By saying “yes” to reasonable requests, you’re telling your child that you believe in their ability to make decisions.

This trust translates into confidence as they learn to navigate their choices, understanding the consequences and rewards that come with them.

Creating Safe Boundaries

While saying “yes” is powerful, it’s crucial to establish safe boundaries. These boundaries ensure that your child’s freedom doesn’t lead to harm.

For example, you might say, “Yes, you can play outside, but stay where I can see you.” This approach allows freedom within a safe framework, giving your child the space to grow while keeping them protected.

Encouraging Problem-Solving Skills

When you allow your child to make decisions, you’re also teaching them to solve problems. They learn to think critically about their choices, weighing options, and considering outcomes. This skill is invaluable, as it prepares them for real-world challenges.

The Lasting Impact

The simple act of saying “yes” more often can have a profound impact on your child’s development. It’s a way to show trust, build confidence, and encourage independence.

So next time your child asks for something, consider the power of “yes.” It might just be the best answer you give all day.

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Cover Story

The joy of controlled freedom in parenting

Published

on

Parenting often revolves around setting boundaries and ensuring children follow rules. While discipline is essential, there is a hidden joy and power in saying “yes” to your child more often. Allowing controlled freedom can be a game-changer in fostering independence, confidence, and resilience in your child.

The Power of Yes

Saying “yes” doesn’t mean giving in to every whim or desire. Instead, it’s about choosing moments where your child can explore their world with freedom.

Whether it’s allowing them to choose their outfit for the day or letting them plan a family outing, these small moments of empowerment build self-esteem.

Building Confidence Through Freedom

Children thrive when they feel trusted. By saying “yes” to reasonable requests, you’re telling your child that you believe in their ability to make decisions.

This trust translates into confidence as they learn to navigate their choices, understanding the consequences and rewards that come with them.

Creating Safe Boundaries

While saying “yes” is powerful, it’s crucial to establish safe boundaries. These boundaries ensure that your child’s freedom doesn’t lead to harm.

For example, you might say, “Yes, you can play outside, but stay where I can see you.” This approach allows freedom within a safe framework, giving your child the space to grow while keeping them protected.

Encouraging Problem-Solving Skills

When you allow your child to make decisions, you’re also teaching them to solve problems. They learn to think critically about their choices, weighing options, and considering outcomes. This skill is invaluable, as it prepares them for real-world challenges.

The Lasting Impact

The simple act of saying “yes” more often can have a profound impact on your child’s development. It’s a way to show trust, build confidence, and encourage independence.

So next time your child asks for something, consider the power of “yes.” It might just be the best answer you give all day.

For more, click HERE to join our WhatsApp channel!

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Lifestyle

Too Late for What? Finding Your Own Pace in a Fast-Paced World

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In today’s fast-paced world, success is no longer just an achievement; it has become a timeline. Many young people feel an invisible pressure to have their lives “figured out” before they turn 30, a stable job, financial independence, a clear career path, and in some cases, even marriage and children. But who set this deadline, and what happens to those who don’t meet it?

For many young adults, especially in urban settings, the pressure begins early. From school systems that prioritise academic excellence to families that celebrate early milestones, success is often framed as something that must be achieved quickly. Social media adds a layer of curated lifestyles of young entrepreneurs, influencers, and professionals who live what appears to be a perfect life. The comparison is constant and, for some, overwhelming.

Reality, however, is far less linear. Not everyone follows the same path. Some individuals take time to discover their passions, switch careers, or face setbacks that delay their progress. Yet, rather than being seen as part of growth, these delays are often viewed as failures. This perception can lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, and, in some cases, burnout as young people push themselves to meet expectations.

Parents play a significant role in shaping this narrative. While many have good intentions, wanting their children to succeed and be secure, the way success is communicated can sometimes add pressure. Saying things like “you need to be settled by now” or “your age mates are already ahead” can unintentionally create a sense of inadequacy. Instead of motivation, such statements may lead to fear-driven achievement.

Also Read: Parenting Progress for a Thoughtful Generation

It is also important to question what success truly means. For some, it is financial stability. For others, it may be personal fulfilment, career growth, or the ability to live independently. By narrowing success to a fixed timeline, society risks ignoring the diversity of individual journeys. A 28-year-old still exploring career options is not necessarily behind; they may be in a different phase of discovery.

Mental health is another critical factor often overlooked in this race. The pressure to be successful before 30 can lead to constant stress and comparison, making young people feel like they are always falling short. In extreme cases, this pressure can lead to depression or a sense of hopelessness, especially when achievements don’t come as quickly as expected.

So, what can parents and society do differently?

First, there is a need to define success beyond age. Success should be measured by growth, effort, and resilience, not just milestones achieved by a certain birthday. Encouragement should focus on progress rather than comparison. A child who is still figuring things out at 27 should be supported, not judged.

Second, open conversations are key. Parents should create safe spaces where children can talk about their struggles without fear of criticism. Understanding that life is not a straight path allows for more empathy and guidance rather than pressure.

Lastly, society must embrace the idea that everyone’s journey is different. Some people bloom early, others are late bloomers, and both are valid. Success is not a race with a fixed finish line, but a journey with many different routes.

Turning 30 should not feel like a deadline for achievement, but rather a checkpoint, a moment to reflect, grow, and continue building a meaningful life, not rushed.

Also Read: Raising children to be successful adults

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