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Children do lie! YES, IT’S TRUE

Published

11 years ago

on

Children lie. Shocking, I know. How can such angelic, innocent creatures be capable of such…evil? Obviously, I don’t have kids, or know much about
them. But the idea that tiny, innocent, beautiful, seemingly uncorrupted beings are capable of perfecting such a complex (far from admirable) trait…well,
fascinates me.
We all lie, and we all were children once, so it goes without saying that at some point we too became/were corrupted. But why? And if so, that must
mean that lying serves an important purpose, important enough for our children to learn and perfect. So if it is so important, is it really that despicable.
So why lie? Or maybe the question is, what’s wrong with lying?
Think about it, why do you lie? To protect yourself, to protect someone else, because you’re scared, because you’re desperate, because it’s easier,
because it’s easy. I don’t know about you, but on the very rare occasion that I do lie it’s usually out of fear, sometimes out of convenience, perhaps to gain control, but rarely because I’m trying to do the right thing.

Lying exposes the best and worst of humanity. Our creativity, our idealism, our hypocrisy, our ability to self-protect under all costs. We lie to our kids while trying to teach them how not to lie. We lie to ourselves while pretending not to care. Perhaps we’re simply born honestly dishonest beings?

While we like to think of our kids as innocent, research finds that most children learn to lie effectively between the ages of two and four. Think of the first successful lie a child tells as an important developmental achievement; the child has discovered that his/her thinking is separate from their parents. They’ve also come to understand the word no, which helps young children delineate the boundaries between their own desires, thoughts, and feelings, and those of others.

Consider this study: a couple of two and three-year-old children were placed in an empty room and instructed not to peek at a toy placed on a table behind them. The researcher left and returned to the room five minutes later. Ninety per cent of the children looked at the toy, and the majority, around two-thirds, concealed their peeking. One-third lied outright, saying they did not peek, while the other third didn’t answer the question, pretending not to hear it.

According to a developmental model of lying first proposed by Victoria Talwar and Kang Lee, children around the age of two to three years begin by telling primary lies which are designed to conceal transgressions but fail to take the mental state of the listener into consideration. Around the age of four, children learn to tell secondary lies, which are more plausible and geared to the listener’s mental development. By age seven or eight, children learn to tell tertiary lies, which are more consistent with known facts and follow-up statements.

As children develop in their cognitive capacity, the ability to balance more than one reality in their head (which is what liars do when they create a fictional version of events to match with the truth) becomes easier. It also means being able to recognize the difference between fiction and reality, much like what they watch on television as well as being able to create new stories.

So the good news is that if your child is a good liar, he/she is probably also pretty smart. Unfortunately, those advanced cognitive skills may also help turn your child into a habitual liar.

Many parenting websites and books advise parents to just let lies go – they’ll grow out of it. The truth, according to Talwar, is that kids grow into it. In studies where children are observed in their natural environment, a four-year- old will lie once every two hours, while a six-year-old will lie about once every hour and a half. Few kids are exceptions.

This puts parents in the position of being either damned or blessed, depending on how they choose to look at it. If your four-year-old is a good liar, it’s a strong sign he/she’s got brains. And it’s the smart, savvy kid who’s most at risk of becoming a habitual liar.

And from where are our children learning such despicable behavior? In adaptations of the above study, researchers have found that children who are lied to by adults are more inclined to twist the truth. According to Chelsea Hays and Leslie Carver, psychologists at the University of California in San Diego, this may occur for various reasons: “It is possible that the children were imitating the lie-telling behavior that they observed… Perhaps these children made assumptions about the importance of honesty to the model… Another possibility is that rather than imitating, the children were extracting information about the adult who lied to them… Perhaps the children did not feel the need to uphold their commitment to tell the truth to someone whom they perceived as a liar.”

So perhaps our kids lie to us because they view us as liars? Ouch.

Well,

Older children were more likely than younger kids to lie, and the older kids who’d been falsely promised a bowl of candy at the start were most likely of all to be dishonest. About 88 per cent of the school-age kids in the “lie” condition failed to fess up, compared with 65 per cent of those who hadn’t been lied to. For the younger group, being lied to didn’t have much of an effect: About 50 per cent lied either way. Smart kids lie; rather, maybe you should be congratulating your child for accomplishing such a creative feat that is a lie.

Conventional wisdom long held that young children were not capable of lying.

njeri@parents.co.ke 

Published in February 2015

 

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

Published

3 weeks ago

on

March 19, 2026

By

While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

Published

3 weeks ago

on

March 19, 2026

By

While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Endometriosis and sex: How to make intimacy pain-free

Published

1 month ago

on

March 11, 2026

By

There is no doubt that endometriosis can affect a woman’s way of life. The condition slews a couple of conditions, painful sex being one of them. Penetration pulls and pushes any tissue growth behind the vagina and lower uterus.

Although symptoms may differ from woman to woman, here are some things you can do to lessen your pain and ensure you have some good time:

Take a dose of painkillers

Take an over the counter painkiller that sits well with your body before intercourse and incase pain persists, take another one as prescribed.

Track your cycle and try at certain times of the month

Most women with endometriosis experience excruciating pain during their period and ovulation. Keep track of your cycle so that you can know when you are ovulating. You can use apps like my calendar and flo period tracker to track your periods. This will help you know when best to engage in sexual intercourse.

READ ALSO: Crucial Facts About Endometriosis Everyone Should Know About

Use lube

Vaginal dryness is not something to be ashamed of and if you happen to have it, lube should be your best buddy. Make sure to use any silicon or water based lubricant anytime you feel like your vagina is dry. Ensure the application is of good amount to achieve a wet area.

Explore alternatives

Talk with your partner about things that turn you on and bring you pleasure. Just to mention a few; mutual masturbation, foreplay, kissing and mutual fondling. Sex does not have to mean intercourse.

Try different positions

Experimenting different positions can teach you and your partner which ones hurt and the ones that bring direct pleasure with no or less pain. Positions that are considered better vary from person to person so take the time to explore and learn yourself with your partner.

Find the right rhythm

Finding the right rhythm can help you experience less discomfort during sex. Quick thrusting or deep penetration can aggravate pain. Talk to your partner about that which you do not like and find ways that will satisfy the both of you like exchanging positions so that you can control the speed and rhythm.

Bottom line

Intimacy does not have to be boring, painful or make you hate the condition that you have. Talk openly about your feelings around sex and penetration and what would help to ease your concerns.

Our FREE  e-paper March Issue is here!
As we celebrate our women this month, we bring you the best stories and the most inspiring features to get you going.
Click HERE to read!

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