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The pain of being cheated on

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Next to death, one of a relationship’s biggest tragedies is being cheated on. It is a deal-breaker for most people, and the relationship either crumbles or takes a completely different turn after. But what makes cheating so painful, what makes us cringe at the very thought of being cheated on? Healing after an episode of infidelity is not easy, but the one thing that can make it easier for you is recognizing why you feel hurt in the first place, then working your way to health.

Monogamy

Monogamy, in its very nature, dictates that you stick to one partner. The ‘mono’ in monogamy means one partner at a time. Most relationships are based on this premise. Thus, you feel like you own your partner. You are theirs and they are yours. When they cheat, you feel like they have been taken away from you. It is the same as coming back home and finding your house has been burglarised. Not only do you feel violated, but you also feel bad that treasured things have been taken away from you.

Mental images

Perhaps one of the things that hurt the most about being cheated on is imagining your man/woman with the other person- doing the things that you two are meant to be doing. The pictures are haunting, at their best, and the fact that they live in your mind makes them all the more hard to get rid off.

Betrayal of trust

Trust is the most important element of a monogamous relationship, and once it’s gone, it’s gone for good. It will take an iron will to mend broken trust. The partner who is cheated on will always be suspicious henceforth, because, among many other reasons, once bitten twice shy. The thought that you fully trusted someone to be faithful but they weren’t will make you wonder if you can even trust them with anything else.

Deliberate harm

The other thing that causes pain is the fact that your partner did something that they knew would hurt you, deliberately. We expect the people we love to make choices that will not jeopardise our relationships or hurt us. Just the very fact that they knew what finding out about their cheating would do to you but they still went ahead with it anyway, makes you question your worth in their eyes.

Low self-esteem

Being in love gives us such emotional highs. It is a good feeling to know that above all, somebody chose you. That they are your ‘personal person’. Then they cheat and you realise rather painfully that you are not as good as you think. You were not their only choice, that you are dispensable. It is one of the worst feelings to contend with, the knowledge that you are replaceable.

Living a lie

Being cheated on makes you question pretty much everything in your relationship. You question every feeling, every word, every action; and you wonder which one was real and which one was not. Your foremost thought usually is that everything was probably a lie and you were not smart enough to notice it.

Waste of time

Another thing that causes you heart to clench is the fact that you invested your time, effort, energy and even made adjustments in your life to align it to theirs – only for them to cheat. Time you would have invested in a person who actually appreciated it.

Feeling dumb

Yet another thing that makes being cheated on so painful is the feeling that you have been taken for a ride. You feel that you sat through it all and never suspected a thing until it was too late. They took you for a fool! But you know how sleek cheaters can be, you can never really blame yourself for that.

 

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

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While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

Published

on

While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

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Cover Story

Endometriosis and sex: How to make intimacy pain-free

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There is no doubt that endometriosis can affect a woman’s way of life. The condition slews a couple of conditions, painful sex being one of them. Penetration pulls and pushes any tissue growth behind the vagina and lower uterus.

Although symptoms may differ from woman to woman, here are some things you can do to lessen your pain and ensure you have some good time:

Take a dose of painkillers

Take an over the counter painkiller that sits well with your body before intercourse and incase pain persists, take another one as prescribed.

Track your cycle and try at certain times of the month

Most women with endometriosis experience excruciating pain during their period and ovulation. Keep track of your cycle so that you can know when you are ovulating. You can use apps like my calendar and flo period tracker to track your periods. This will help you know when best to engage in sexual intercourse.

READ ALSO: Crucial Facts About Endometriosis Everyone Should Know About

Use lube

Vaginal dryness is not something to be ashamed of and if you happen to have it, lube should be your best buddy. Make sure to use any silicon or water based lubricant anytime you feel like your vagina is dry. Ensure the application is of good amount to achieve a wet area.

Explore alternatives

Talk with your partner about things that turn you on and bring you pleasure. Just to mention a few; mutual masturbation, foreplay, kissing and mutual fondling. Sex does not have to mean intercourse.

Try different positions

Experimenting different positions can teach you and your partner which ones hurt and the ones that bring direct pleasure with no or less pain. Positions that are considered better vary from person to person so take the time to explore and learn yourself with your partner.

Find the right rhythm

Finding the right rhythm can help you experience less discomfort during sex. Quick thrusting or deep penetration can aggravate pain. Talk to your partner about that which you do not like and find ways that will satisfy the both of you like exchanging positions so that you can control the speed and rhythm.

Bottom line

Intimacy does not have to be boring, painful or make you hate the condition that you have. Talk openly about your feelings around sex and penetration and what would help to ease your concerns.

Our FREE  e-paper March Issue is here!
As we celebrate our women this month, we bring you the best stories and the most inspiring features to get you going.
Click HERE to read!

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