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Does age really matter in relationships and marriages?

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Most of us will say yes, because age is often equated to one’s level of maturity. The older the more mature, the younger the less mature and that’s where the deal breaker is, right?

Well, I beg to differ just a little bit. Age doesn’t define one’s level of maturity. Don’t get me wrong, I agree maturity is important for relationships to work. All I’m saying is maturity and age have two different definitions.

Maturity is actually developed from daily life experiences depending on our surroundings.

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Age, on the other hand, is the number of years you have woken up to see the sun rise on the east and set on the west!

So let’s not blame age to be a hindrance in relationships but maturity.

Why maturity is necessary for a healthy and successful couple

Maturity enables individuals to develop behaviours that allow relationships to thrive. They include: effective communication, personal responsibility, right decision making skills, trustworthiness and forgiveness.

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Effective communication

It means communicating openly and respectfully to each other. I know at times especially when you both come to a huge disagreement your tongue slips or you just aren’t on the same page. That’s where maturity comes in, the ability to understand situations and find a common ground to resolve your issues not forgetting to apologize for words or actions that may have offended your partner. Communication in your relationship not only allows for your needs to be met but also for you to be connected on a deeper level with your partner.

Personal responsibility

This is the ability to recognize that you are responsible for your actions, words, thoughts or feelings. It calls for emotional maturity and intelligence, to avoid blaming your partner for your own mistakes or for issues you’re facing. Remember you are the captain of your ship, you own the steering wheel that steers your life. Therefore, you are responsible for your decisions, actions and behaviour.

Right decision making skills

This means making decisions that will help in putting you and your partner on the same page. Before making any decision, think of how it will affect your partner. Make decisions that will positively impact you and your partner (bringing positivity into your relationship or marriage).

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Trustworthiness

Trust lays the foundation for every relationship. It means that both parties maintain integrity in the relationship in terms of full commitment without looking for other partners. It also means being comfortable with giving your partner space while they pursue their individual interests. It also means trusting your partner especially when you’re not together, let’s say when they are out with friends or even at their workspace.

Trust comes in during communication as well. If you trust your partner, you are confident to speak out your issues which gives room for them to be solved hence propelling growth in your relationship or marriage.

Forgiveness

Let’s just be honest, no relationship can work or survive for long if forgiveness is not involved. In one way or another, you may offend your partner or they may offend you, it’s part of life. What do we do in this case? Depending on how serious the matter is, we may be coerced to leave the relationship.

Well, maturity allows us to look at the situation at a deeper level, analyze and weigh why the relationship is important to us, is it worth saving or not? Depending on your partner’s personality and the love you have for them, is your love unconditional? Can you over look the imperfections?

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Other factors that affect relationships with age disparity

Maturity is not the only important factor for a relationship with an age-difference to work. We have other factors that may cause issues in age-gap relationships. They include:

Goals

What do you want to accomplish for yourself, especially if it involves your partner? For instance, do you want babies? In some cases perhaps where a young lady is in a relationship with an older man, who feels he’s too old or doesn’t want to have more babies, conflict arises or vice versa an older lady who wants to finally have a family and raise children but her partner who’s younger feels it’s not the right time for him.

Also it could be financial or social goals. The younger partner’s priorities may not be same with the older one. The younger one may still be in party-mode and the older one is past that stage and wants to progress in other areas of their lives.

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Values

For any relationship to work or for a couple to have chemistry, most of their values must match. Otherwise, it may be a turn off if one doesn’t agree with the other person’s values. For example, if your partner makes money in a dishonest way let’s say steals or sells drugs and it does not sit well with you, it may cause conflict in the relationship. So since you do not share the same values and his/ her actions may impact you negatively, the relationship won’t work and the best decision is to leave.

Interests

Sometimes, conflict may arise between you and your partner due to the different generations you two belong to. Let’s say one belongs to the millennial and the other to Gen Z, most of your interests may be different since you both grew at different times. Your taste of music may not be same; ways you have fun or spend your leisure time may not be same. For that reason, you end having very little in common. This may be an inhibitor in your relationship especially when it comes to bonding. To grow in your relationship, you have to spend time together doing things you both love.

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Conclusion

All the above are factors to look at not only in relationships with age disparity but also in same age bracket relationships. They must be present for every relationship to work. If you have a huge age-gap and all the above factors align in your favour, then age doesn’t really matter in relationships or marriage. Maturity, goals, interests and values are what matters!

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

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While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

Published

on

While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Endometriosis and sex: How to make intimacy pain-free

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There is no doubt that endometriosis can affect a woman’s way of life. The condition slews a couple of conditions, painful sex being one of them. Penetration pulls and pushes any tissue growth behind the vagina and lower uterus.

Although symptoms may differ from woman to woman, here are some things you can do to lessen your pain and ensure you have some good time:

Take a dose of painkillers

Take an over the counter painkiller that sits well with your body before intercourse and incase pain persists, take another one as prescribed.

Track your cycle and try at certain times of the month

Most women with endometriosis experience excruciating pain during their period and ovulation. Keep track of your cycle so that you can know when you are ovulating. You can use apps like my calendar and flo period tracker to track your periods. This will help you know when best to engage in sexual intercourse.

READ ALSO: Crucial Facts About Endometriosis Everyone Should Know About

Use lube

Vaginal dryness is not something to be ashamed of and if you happen to have it, lube should be your best buddy. Make sure to use any silicon or water based lubricant anytime you feel like your vagina is dry. Ensure the application is of good amount to achieve a wet area.

Explore alternatives

Talk with your partner about things that turn you on and bring you pleasure. Just to mention a few; mutual masturbation, foreplay, kissing and mutual fondling. Sex does not have to mean intercourse.

Try different positions

Experimenting different positions can teach you and your partner which ones hurt and the ones that bring direct pleasure with no or less pain. Positions that are considered better vary from person to person so take the time to explore and learn yourself with your partner.

Find the right rhythm

Finding the right rhythm can help you experience less discomfort during sex. Quick thrusting or deep penetration can aggravate pain. Talk to your partner about that which you do not like and find ways that will satisfy the both of you like exchanging positions so that you can control the speed and rhythm.

Bottom line

Intimacy does not have to be boring, painful or make you hate the condition that you have. Talk openly about your feelings around sex and penetration and what would help to ease your concerns.

Our FREE  e-paper March Issue is here!
As we celebrate our women this month, we bring you the best stories and the most inspiring features to get you going.
Click HERE to read!

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