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Dealing with opposite gender friendships in marriage

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Growing up Annabel preferred male friends to their female counterparts. She said it made her feel protected since none of the boys in her neighbourhood would dare belittle her or they would have to deal with her army of boy-friends.

She retained her friendships with her male friends even after she met Timothy and they got married. Unfortunately, a year into their marriage, Timothy filed for divorce citing infidelity. Before they split up, the two sought the services of a counsellor in an attempt to save their marriage. Throughout counselling, it emerged that Anabelle’s relationships with her male friends were causing a strain in their marriage.

The counsellor gave them several tips that you can borrow to deal with opposite gender friendships in your marriage as discussed below:

Communication

Communication breakdown between a husband and wife starts during courtship and is usually ignored because of the excitement of finding love. This makes it impossible to understand a spouse’s upbringing, relationship history and abuse that they may have encountered in their lives. These factors have a great influence on how an individual responds in case of a misunderstanding.

Reserve judgement

It is easy for a spouse to make conclusions about the other without establishing the facts. Try to understand the relationship that exists between your spouse and friends of the opposite gender before making conclusions. Rushed conclusions make for an easy escape out of the relationship one has with their spouse.

How to know you have found the one
Marriage is one of the areas you do not want to make a mistake. Therefore, it is important to pay extra attention when choosing who to settle with.

Boundaries

It is prudent for a married person to establish boundaries with friends of the opposite sex. For instance, they should make it clear that excessive physical contact could be misinterpreted by anyone including a spouse. Calling time and meeting times and circumstances of the meeting should also be established and clearly outlined to avoid misunderstandings.

Photo by Tobe Mokolo / Unsplash

Trust and honesty

Marriage counsellors emphasize the importance of trust between married couples. To develop trust, couples should divulge full information about all the friendships they kept and if possible introduce their friends to each other so that everything is kept out in the open. Couples are also encouraged to express themselves freely and with kindness. This way any unmet needs can be aired and taken care of with immediacy.

Self-confidence

People who lack confidence and self-esteem are likely to feel threatened by their spouses’ friendships with members of the opposite gender. More often than not, such friendships are likely to be mistaken for infidelity. Ensure that you work on your self-confidence so that your insecurities don’t cost you your marriage. You can enlist the help of a counsellor to help you develop self-confidence.

Finally, Marriage is not a bed of roses, it is instead a result of two people who are willing to work for each other’s good. Therefore if friendship with the opposite gender threatens your marriage, decisions have to be made that will safeguard your relationship with your partner.

Featured Image: L.O.B Tetteh on Unsplash

The exciting June issue of Parents magazine is here!
In this exciting issue, we catch up with TV and radio host Anthony Ndiema and his wife Nenoh Ndiema as they get up close and candid on their marriage and their parenting journey. The two open up on their bumpy start to finally finding stability in a way that you don’t want to miss! Elsewhere, we go …

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Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

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While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Elizabeth Nzisa: The Firstborn Who Became a Mother Overnight

Published

on

While most teenagers spend their days focused on school, friendships, and dreams for the future, Elizabeth Nzisa, fondly known as Shiku, was forced to grow up much faster than she ever imagined. At only 17 years old, she found herself taking on the role of a mother to her three younger siblings after her family was hit by tragedy not once, but twice.

Her story, shared in an emotional interview, is a powerful reflection of strength, sacrifice and the deep bond between siblings. Elizabeth recalls the moment her life changed completely. Her mother died while giving birth to their youngest sibling, a baby boy. In the middle of that painful loss, their father walked away from the family, leaving Elizabeth alone with a newborn and two other young children to care for.

Mama yetu alipass 2024, Feb. Alipass akipata haka katoto kadogo. Dad naye akatuacha akaenda

 

Becoming a Mother Too Soon

She explains that she had no choice but to step up and become the parent in the house. She raised her youngest brother from the day he was born, and to this day he calls her mum, not knowing she is actually his big sister. That detail alone shows how much responsibility she carried at such a young age. She became the provider, the protector, the caregiver, and the emotional support for her siblings while she was still trying to understand life herself. With little help from relatives, Elizabeth had to find ways to survive, balancing school when she could, doing small jobs and making sure her siblings were fed, safe and loved.

The journey was not easy. She faced financial struggles, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure of trying to stay strong even when she felt overwhelmed. There were moments when she doubted herself and wondered if she was doing enough. Still, her story is not about defeat. It is about endurance. Elizabeth talks about finding strength through faith, support from the people around her, and the determination to keep her family together no matter how hard things became.

Over the years, she made sure her siblings stayed in school, had food on the table, and grew up feeling loved despite everything they had lost. What could have been a completely broken home became a family held together by her sacrifice and commitment.

Many viewers reacted emotionally, saying the story moved them to tears. Some described firstborn daughters as second mothers, while others said her life shows the kind of courage people rarely see but should never forget.

 

Click here to read our March issue 2026

Continue Reading

Cover Story

Endometriosis and sex: How to make intimacy pain-free

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There is no doubt that endometriosis can affect a woman’s way of life. The condition slews a couple of conditions, painful sex being one of them. Penetration pulls and pushes any tissue growth behind the vagina and lower uterus.

Although symptoms may differ from woman to woman, here are some things you can do to lessen your pain and ensure you have some good time:

Take a dose of painkillers

Take an over the counter painkiller that sits well with your body before intercourse and incase pain persists, take another one as prescribed.

Track your cycle and try at certain times of the month

Most women with endometriosis experience excruciating pain during their period and ovulation. Keep track of your cycle so that you can know when you are ovulating. You can use apps like my calendar and flo period tracker to track your periods. This will help you know when best to engage in sexual intercourse.

READ ALSO: Crucial Facts About Endometriosis Everyone Should Know About

Use lube

Vaginal dryness is not something to be ashamed of and if you happen to have it, lube should be your best buddy. Make sure to use any silicon or water based lubricant anytime you feel like your vagina is dry. Ensure the application is of good amount to achieve a wet area.

Explore alternatives

Talk with your partner about things that turn you on and bring you pleasure. Just to mention a few; mutual masturbation, foreplay, kissing and mutual fondling. Sex does not have to mean intercourse.

Try different positions

Experimenting different positions can teach you and your partner which ones hurt and the ones that bring direct pleasure with no or less pain. Positions that are considered better vary from person to person so take the time to explore and learn yourself with your partner.

Find the right rhythm

Finding the right rhythm can help you experience less discomfort during sex. Quick thrusting or deep penetration can aggravate pain. Talk to your partner about that which you do not like and find ways that will satisfy the both of you like exchanging positions so that you can control the speed and rhythm.

Bottom line

Intimacy does not have to be boring, painful or make you hate the condition that you have. Talk openly about your feelings around sex and penetration and what would help to ease your concerns.

Our FREE  e-paper March Issue is here!
As we celebrate our women this month, we bring you the best stories and the most inspiring features to get you going.
Click HERE to read!

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